I was talking to my girlfriend the other day on the phone and she casually mentions that her husband had given a compliment about me and she totally forgot to share… Obviously I was curious and almost brought to tears when she tells me he said that he loves how he feels can totally be himself around me and that I am never judging. She further goes on to say how she would love for someone to say this about herself and that it is such a nice compliment. I am so flattered and we get talking and I say “but I totally judge, and try so hard not to but know when I am doing it.” She then comments that it is instinctual and human nature to judge but the fact that you are aware and then try not to just shows that you are making an effort…
Well, it of course has left me over thinking and analyzing all week and I realized how proud I am that I have made even one person feel this way. Because in all honesty when I am most uncomfortable is usually when I feel I am being judged whether it is with parenting choices, in relationships, or even with regards to finances and spending, the list is endless. I believe we most often only feel we are being judged, but in fact that person we thought was judging us was off daydreaming or giving mixed messages or unaware of how they are even coming across. It is also funny to me that sometimes it is the people who are closest to us that judge, when in reality these should be the people that know us the best and don’t judge us but instead accept and trust that we know what we are doing and we made the best choices for us.
I attended a wedding shower earlier today for a younger girlfriend. This friend was someone I spent lots of time with growing up and even babysat and I guess helped through some tough adolescent years (which we both happened to have). I often saw a lot of myself in her growing up, we maybe were not the best versions of ourselves when we were younger but who ever is? Anyways we sat at a beautiful restaurant in Granville Island and the hostess asked us all to say how we know the bride, it was amazing to sit there and see what a variety of quality women she attracted and how she had impacted each of them. It got me realizing she too was one to not judge others which meant it gave her a chance to get to know someone and like them for who they were not what. If you can one day sit and see the people and friends you attract and surround yourself with and know they are genuine and inspiring people then you really have done something right in the world.
We ended our day off at our happy place, Emma Lea Farms, for a 3rd Birthday party. Here we were surrounded by many of our besties and their families. This is when it came full circle I have built a community of people that have depth and compassion and empathy and understanding. Of people I am proud to call my friends but also proud to have my kids call them auntie and uncle as they are truely more like family. If we take the time to see someone for who they truely are and judge a little less we may be surprised at what we learn!
I hope you can talk to someone you would not normally, or take the time to learn something about someone you don’t know very well… it is surprising what you might find out! But more than that I hope you have a group or even a single friend who is true and makes you feel comfortable for being you.