This week was a full moon, the Harvest Moon, and I love to get together with a group of ladies at a Moon Circle. I have actually only been twice as scheduling can sometimes be challenging but I am so happy we met up this week because conversations reminded me of a few of my own healthy habits. I thought I would share with everyone because I know these things have been helpful for me and seemed like something other people might like to use.
Basically I am a person who loves to plan and organize. I like to be prepared and know that we have made well thought out decisions. Except the reality is sometimes life throws us curve balls, we have bad days, things run late, plans change and thats okay. I can struggle with making decisions or getting wrapped up in my emotions and making rash decisions. These couple little tricks help me to stay true to myself and de-escalate when things stray from my “plan”.
Ask yourself who or what is this serving?
The first tool I have is to ask myself “who/what am I doing this for?” It sounds so simple and actually is but I find that I can get caught up in things… my kids having to be dressed in nice outfits, making sure my house is spotless and that I attend every party and social gathering we are invited to, kids play in all the activities they “should”, I exercise and eat healthy, etc. And some of these things are great and I want to do but sometimes it comes down to the simple question of “who am I doing this for?” And if the answer isn’t me (or my immediate family) I might need to reconsider.
For example sometimes I worry my kids are not registered in enough activities and then when I ask them if they want to do any of the activities they say no, when we have tried doing certain registered activities it has been a fight with the kids and everyone including me leaves unhappy. I realized I am doing this because I think it’s the “right” thing to do but I am certainly not doing it for me (I am not happy at the end of it all), and the kids never wanted it to begin with it so its no for them.
Another good example is saying yes to social invites. I love when I am feeling over scheduled and exhausted and I am rushing trying to get ready to go to something (party, class, workshop, family dinner, etc) and I think why am I doing this. When I over schedule you don’t enjoy any of it, prioritize and pick the ones that make you the happiest. If you are going because you think your friend won’t understand or will be upset most likely that person isn’t that great of a friend. I find my friends usually understand when I can’t make it to everything as do I for them. Life sometimes gets in the way and thats okay, to be expected. Don’t try to over extend yourself (for what?).
One thing at a time.
Second tool is take one minute/day/thing at a time. I would work myself up knowing we had a busy week or month coming up that I didn’t live in the moment and enjoy all the stuff that was going on. Now I try to think the night before about what have I got in the morning and what do I need to do to prepare for then in the morning I look at my day, etc. I focus on each task in order of when it’s happening and try to worry less about what’s coming in the future.
Stay true to your values
Third tool is knowing and defining your values. I actually was lucky enough to work with a coach on determining my values. I have had them written down for about 5-6 years and it has helped me to make big life decisions (and some small ones) because I know what I value and if I am ever confused, especially when making decisions, I review my values and ask myself what answer would match my values. This is actually something we did as a business when I worked. We used our business values and when making decisions (even with customers) we would think of our 4 values and ask how do I handle this customer with my values in mind. It often made decisions so much easier once I thought of it in terms of what answer matches my values.
The hardest part is determining your values. If you are anything like me, find a coach and get them to help you. It made such a difference and helped to clearly define what I valued. My coach was Kristine, http://coachki.com
That’s all the advice I have. I don’t know if there is any big life secret to surviving but I do think these couple tools help us to live our best and truest lives. Would love to hear anyone else’s advice to surviving these big years! Comment below or email me at craeplain@gmail,com