I am not sure if I have just been more aware this last year or if it truly has just been a year of great loss, but it has been a year where we have experienced death. Some have been tragic and way too young and hard to understand, some have been older people who have lived good lives and it was just their time. Regardless of circumstance these losses have brought a few opportunities.

One opportunity has been having conversations with ourselves and our kids about topics we don’t usually talk about. A big one has been around death, it has included how or why people die, where they go, what happens to their body, why do we put them in a box and what does it look like, can they still see through the clouds on a foggy day and should we leave them out treats… I mean you can imagine the questions that have come up. Kids face death so matter of fact, they are able to speak so bluntly and truthfully, be insightful and also accepting. I am forever grateful of the things I am learning from my kids.

Some of our conversations have been around families, we have had funny questions like when they see “Grandpa W” in my baby picture. Except it isn’t Grandpa W it is my dad whom my kids have never met and don’t know. That was a conversation that Fraser loved sitting and watching as I responded.

It also opened up lots of conversation about Frasers family and why we don’t know or see them. It has been a good reminder to us about the importance of being open. Something that destroyed relationships for his family in the past was not having conversations and not being open and willing to communicate. It has also been a tough one for us, to explain actions we don’t understand to the kids that sometimes people make choices we don’t agree with or that make sense to us but that we cannot control other peoples decisions. BIG topics for our 3, 4 and 5 year old.

We aren’t always prepared for our curious kids and the surprise questions they have, we don’t always answer theses questions in the best way and our kids love to repeat what we say so we like to have a good answer for them. However at the end of the day I am proud of all of us for having these conversations and taking the time to make our kids feel safe enough to ask about all topics. I think one big lesson for us is making sure we respond in a way that allows the kids to continue to be curious. I truly believe they feel no topic is off limits and I want them to feel that way.

When we were growing up I don’t remember having tough conversations or feeling like we could bring up any topic. I think in our families (both Fraser and I) a lot of these topics were kinda of “off limits”. In that era it wasn’t about talking about your feelings, or at least it wasn’t like that with our families. We avoided hard topics and stuck to safe and happy topics. I don’t think we had a bad childhood or that it was “wrong”. I think we just didn’t know differently.

My Mom was a single Mom who had a lot to deal with (including raising 3 girls) and we knew she didn’t like to have certain kind of conversations. I think working and raising a family is tough and can be emotionally draining on a person. To add to it the time and patience it takes to sit down and discuss hard stuff with kids. I get it, it isn’t easy.

One thing I think we are trying to change with our own kids is being open with them and having conversations that might make us sad, or are hard to have. Some questions we might not have the answer to and somethings don’t make sense to us adults, so they are hard to explain to our kids. Over the last couple months we have talked about death (including funerals, burials, heaven), global warming and extinction, homelessness, racism and gay rights. So much in our world has changed for us over the last 6 months, things have become somewhat unpredictable and the pandemic has taught me that nothing is guaranteed.

Another opportunity that has come up has been self reflection in our own lives and how we live. Some things are little (like we started back composting again) some things were a bit bigger (like we bought the boat and decided to homeschool). It has basically reminded me to not leave things unsaid and to live each day the best you can. To take opportunities as they come and to have the strength and courage to go for the things you want. At the end of my life I want to know that I took advantage of my life, lived it and am happy with the way I lived.

I have really been reflecting on my life to date, and even been trying to come up with a “bucket list”. It was the strangest thing when I went down to write out my bucket list, it was blank. In my 36 years I have accomplished so much that I wanted to do and that makes me happy I realized I am living my mission of making the most of my life. ***(I have since started a “bucket list” that I have every intention of completing.)

This year we took the opportunity of time that has been given to us, thanks pandemic, to spend raising our family the way we wanted to. We work hard at having strong relationships and that is not always easy. We try to make sure each person has what they need (Fraser takes time out for pottery, has his workshop space, Rowen has supports he needs to be successful, Grace we try to take mom and daughter time or have one on one with Nan, etc). It isn’t always easy to make sure we all have what we want, but I think this past bit has taught us we have given more than what we need and for that we are forever grateful.

I wish everyone had the basics needs always met, pandemic has been a reminder of just how fortunate we are with rarely worrying about the basics like food, shelter, money. We are certainly not rich but we are loved, safe and supported by a very big group of family and friends and I am learning not everyone has that privilege. I think the best I can do is continue to have conversations with my kids, keep an open mind and grateful heart and take advantage of the time we have.

Life is not guaranteed to any of us and the end is inevitable so I want to know that I have lived the life I wanted. Lots of things are out of my control but lots of things aren’t. Are you living your best life? This past year has taught me our best life can look different than our neighbour, parent, best friend, etc but that’s okay and we need to embrace what is our “best”. We don’t have to have the most money, the best car or the perfect day to be living our “best” and to look back on our life and the things that we are most proud of are happiest with might not be what you expect.

Pre Covid and really before our kids were school aged I dreamed of homeschooling but it was always just that, a dream. I thought it was never really an option and then when Rowen was diagnosed I assumed that homeschooling would be impossible. I thought he needed the supports school gave and also valued the opportunities to socialize at school. Anytime I brought up the idea of homeschooling, both when I was growing up and as a parent when I had kids, it was usually laughed at or talked about in a way that implied homeschooling kids were “weird” or at a disadvantage.

Homeschooling has been a topic in my house since I was probably 16. At about 16 I begged my mom to let me do homeschooling for high school, I wrote an essay on why she should let me and tried my hardest to persuade her. Unfortunately my working single mom of three wouldn’t let me. I may have not forgiven her (sorry Mom, lol) but I can understand why she said no.

When COVID happened and we were all forced into schooling our kids at home it wasn’t everything I imagined it to be, there was a lot of pressure for us as parents and for the kids. My son started off okay but ended up begin unable to participate without huge fights and lots of tears. At first I was delighted that this opportunity to homeschool was happening but in the end I dreaded each day of “school” and the fights that would occur. We ended up unable to finish all the work that was sent home.

During summer break I was trying not to think about the Fall and returning to school. Our world was changing everyday and it seemed impossible to predict or plan that far in advance. However by the middle of summer the fear of returning to school and ending up back to what we were liked in the Spring with our school from home schedule had me reconsidering what would be best for our whole family. In the end I decided that the risk was too big and the possibility of going back to that would not only be horrible for Rowen but also for me. I decided to consider a more traditional homeschool approach with the ability for us to have more control over the delivery.

After much research and discussions we made the choice to homeschool our kids this year. One month into it and I can say it is a ton of work and none at all… it is the strangest combination of just playing and working hard at piecing together a plan for our days/weeks/months. It is everything from the big picture stuff (longterm, meeting learning outcomes, what do they need to graduate/ progress in school), funding (how do we get it, and how do we use it), out of pocket expenses (homeschooling can really add up, budgeting and prioritizing) and then the day to day with when and how we fit it in, what does it look like, when and how do we report to our teacher, etc. It has taken work to shift our thinking around what school is suppose to look like and the possibility of what it can look like. I am starting to see how having less of a plan and following where the days take us can lead to so many opportunities for learning that we are normally too busy for and miss. I love how my kids are passionate about what we are learning about and how much they retain knowledge, share it with our family and friends and also are just genuinely interested in stuff.

We have had way less TV and iPad time, and the time we do spend on screens is often spent on more educational learning. I love how involved we are with their learning and how we get to see first hand how they progress and what they are passionate and proud about. It has shifted my beliefs around education and how we teach/learn. It has also really opened my eyes to the reality of our education system and the direction it is headed. So much of how our schools run is based on budget, not how kids learn best. I used to assume there was some science or research and logic behind the set up of traditional schools but the more we start learning outside of the box the more I love it and see how fun “school” can be and how far kids can go when given the attention/time and opportunities to inspire them.

By the end of September I was feeling burnt out and had an “I survived September” kinda mindset. However, October has started off with sunshine, a field trip and a day spent some inspiring parents and kids. I am feeling privileged to be able to spend this year with our kids, take time to learn with them and to be surrounded by such supportive and encouraging people. I cannot wait to see what this year has in store for us, and am excited!

If you are considering homeschooling, start asking around and do a bit of research you may be surprised at how many people around do homeschool. You also might be surprised about what you think is homeschooling and what it actually can be.

Whether you homeschool or not, I think now more than ever be informed. Take the time to find out what your kids are learning or doing at school and how it is being taught or talked about. No one cares more about your kids than you, so make sure you ask questions and be in the loop. School is not “free daycare”, I feel like Covid really opened my eyes to the reality that for a lot of people school is essential because they need it for “daycare”. I believe school should be a place our kids go and feel safe, have fun, get to create and are inspired and learning. We want to raise kind, smart, curious, informed people and school should be a place to nurture that . I think somewhere along the way we got so caught up in life, and dropping off and picking up we somehow lost track of the in between time… I think of all the sad and hard things Covid has done maybe a good thing should be that it has allowed us the time to reconsider what is important and how we had set up things pre covid might need to change?!?

With Fall and Back to School fast approaching there are parts of me nervous for the winter season… I LOVE sunshine, sand and warm weather. Being outside is easy when it is nice out, and outside makes everyone happier. However we live in a place that is lucky enough to have all four seasons and with the colder seasons comes some challenges for myself… including getting outside despite cold and wet weather, and feeling inspired on dreary days. Keeping this in mind, and knowing we are most likely not going to head to a warmer beach for the winter I have decided to put together some of our favourite BC spots to visit and some of our Wish List items so we can work towards some stuff to do this year while we are staying local.

CARIBOO CHILCOTIN COAST

Thanksgiving in the ‘Boo

Nothing like seeing the change of colours in the Fall through the Caribou Region. We are fortunate to have Grandpa W & Nans Cabin to stay at however every year our whole extended family head up for Thanksgiving (and hunting season) and my little Fab Farlow Five rent a cabin on a ranch (Wettstone Guest Ranch).

We have been there with snow on the ground and during a typical “Fall” with crisp air and colourful leaves. Both were beautiful and I can imagine warmer months would be equally as great. Some of our favourite things about Wettstone Guest Ranch are the affordable accommodations, the shared great room and available breakfast and the horse back riding. This year will be our third year staying at Wettstone (our sixth year spending Thanksgiving in the ‘Boo) and I defiantly recommend it as something to try!

New Years on the Ski Slopes, Mt.Timothy

We also have spent our New Years or time in January/ February up in Bridge Lake Area (near 100 Mile). We stay at Nanny’s cabin but there are many different options for hotels, motels, airbnb’s and lodges. We had even heard the Ski Mountain might have Cabins to rent for the 2021 season. This is a great getaway because you are most certain to have snow (often LOTS of it), plus Mt Timothy has lots of amenities like ski lessons, magic carpet and tube hill, snowmobile trails, etc but at a fraction of the cost of some of the bigger more populated mountains. So not only does it feel a little less crowded and personalized service but you pay way less… we loved it! Even on the days we didn’t go up to ski on the mountain we had so much fun playing outside in the snow. Snow up in the Cariboo is different than on the coast, with the proper attire (think good boots and a snow suit with gloves) everyone would go out and play for hours without wanting to come in. Play included shovelling the driveway (on the quad of course), chopping firewood, sledding down the driveway, and just exploring all the beauty! If there was a day we didn’t feel like going outside we had fun playing games, reading by the fire or watching a movie!

Whistler

I think Whistler is a “cliche” vacation but one not to be overlooked. Whistler is a popular and easy vacation spot for a many reasons. I think the reasons we like it is proximity (it’s so close we sometimes make a day trip of it), the playground is a huge hit with our kids (and it’s free!), walking around the village is so safe (free from cars) so it’s easy and fun to be outside with the kids. Plus the selection of accommodation and food is sure to have something for everyone. Apres life is huge for us and the whole village always seems so family friendly. We love The Keg with the kids (their kids menu is so good) and last time we had a great meal at Caramba and the kids loved it too!

This year it is on my “wish list” because I love the idea of staying at a hotel so the kids can swim at a pool and they also love staying at hotels. The big attraction for me though is to go and see the Vallea Lumina.

Tofino

We love Tofino… from the moment you drive through the Cathedral Forest you are transported into a very special place. The Clayoquot Sound is pure magic in my opinion and something I think I need to see in every season. Fraser and I went for our “honeymoon” last summer and fell in love with the area. We have meant to take the kids back and just never got around to doing it. I think the hold backs for us are cost (negotiable that you can do it on the cheap, but the struggle is we can’t… #travelingwithprincesses). However knowing we are canceling our winter beach vacation and also knowing we are homeschooling I am hoping we might be able to swing it this year and head to Tofino.

We loved all the beaches and walks, we loved a lot of the food (top mention is breakfast at Wickaninnish) and we took a seaplane over the Sound and it was fairly spectacular. Unfortunately I am not sure if the plane could fit all 5 of us, and if we go during storm season I am not even sure they would be offering it. On my Wishlist is going by sea plane to the hot springs with the kids (although I question how safe and well our kids would do this?). Also on my Wishlist is staying at Pacific Sands in their Edgewater Suite… but that might be pushing it! Definitely we know the kids would love Tofino as much as we do and we hope to take them!

BC is truly Beautiful and has so many amazing places to see… I would love to hear places on your wish list or favourites you have visited! Even better if they are good for families with young kids and accessible in the winter months. For now I will continue to make our family wish list on places to visit this year while we are homeschooling and have some flexibility on travel hoping it continues to stay safe to do it within province.

Sunday night means school tomorrow.  Obviously not actual school, but when our weekends are finished and we tuck our kids into bed on Sunday nights we always remind them its school tomorrow.  Ever since we have started to do some “school at home” it has allowed us to get into more of a routine and have some sense of normalcy.

With the Pandemic and so many changes to our life school has been something we miss.  All three kids miss seeing teachers and friends.  They are missing the routines for sure but also the things that they were working towards.  Grace, my four year old, talks a lot about her new school for Kindergarten, her uniform and all the things she has coming up.  It has definitely been an eye opener to how many events we will be missing over the course of just a few months (uniform try on day, parent info night, Preschool Grad to name a few).  In the scheme of things I realize how small and trivial these things are but to my four year old they are big things.  We are navigating new times, without being able to answer questions about what the near future will look like.  This can be scary and emotional for all of us.

School has been a hot topic, and rightfully so, with many parents and families. It has also been a tough situation for so many people.  We have just one school age child, and he’s only in Kindergarten.  Our other two kids are preschool age.  On top of them being so young, we are also in a very unique situation where I am a full time mom and my husband works shift work and is home during the day.

We do not have to struggle with trying to work from home, or balance teaching our kids with our work, or even share technology between all of us.  We have enough iPads/ computers and Fraser is still leaving the house to go into work. I cannot imagine the challenges families are facing during what is already a stressful time.  I am beyond grateful for all of these things.  I know we are very fortunate to be in the situation we are for so many reasons including the ages of our kids, the support we have from our school, the set up we have at home for home learning and more.  That being said we definitely don’t have it perfect, we have our own set of challenges.  My son has Autism and normally has many supports and programs.  We are transitioning to enter Grade 1 and leave a lot of the programs he has had through his toddler years, there was a plan to help make this shift from his therapies to school gradual which will not be happening as we are not able to attend any of these programs currently.  In addition it is so great to have my husband home during the day but he is still working so he is overtired trying to help with the kids and continue to work at night, plus with us trying to still continue with some learning (school and therapies) it means I am spending time doing that… less time to do household stuff which still needs to get done (meals, laundry, maintenance, etc).  I guess our worries are “good” ones to have.  We aren’t worried about our home, food or the necessities but I guess my point is that it still isn’t easy.

I thought I would share some of the things that we have learnt over the past 6 or so weeks and some of the things that are working for us.  I am understanding and empathetic of every situation and realize not everyone is in a situation where these would be relevant.  I appreciate that.  If there is one thing we should all be learning right now is that there is no right answer and what works for one, might not work for others.  I just thought I would share what is working for us.

1)  DETERMINE LEARNING PRIORITIES OR EXPECTATIONS. What do you want your child/children to come out of this having learned?  What are your goals?

This is one of those questions that we are asked often with Rowen.  When you have a child with special needs you are constantly goal setting and at first it is strange and unknown but then you learn to set goals that are age appropriate and seem almost second nature for kids to learn but, for Rowen, are things we make a conscious effort to teach.  It can include things like learning how to initiate play, play with others or independently, win and loose, take turns, etc.  

Goals can vary so much from child to child, and family to family.  For us during the pandemic and “schooling from home” I want my kids to learn about emotions, disappointment, flexibility and gratitude.   I also want them to learn a bit about global responsibilities and being part of a community as well as giving back or helping others and how we can do that.  However I hope we can learn more than these big life lessons.

I want to try and support my son to be able to maintain all the skills he has built through kindergarten thus far.  So keep up with his reading, maintain some routines,  fine motor skills and writing, do some desk work, follow instructions and concentrate on a worksheet.  Although these things might seem small or that they can be picked back up again whenever we do return to school, they are goals we have worked hard to reach over the last few months and even years.  When we do not practice and apply skills we have learned they can be forgotten and I would hate to fall back when we have worked so hard to get to where we are.

By defining what our goals were I have been able to make adaptions to our day depending on our moods, weather, other things that are going on in the house, etc   I love this because it gives me a guide to check against.  For example if we are having a moody day and Rowen isn’t cooperating I can look through his class activities and decide do these need to be done or can we “skip” them and still achieve my goal for Rowens learning.  Most times we are good to “skip” and then I do not have to beat myself up or force him to do stuff just to get it done.

2)  CONSISTENCY IS KEY.  So this could look different but for us it is making sure we are up, fed and dressed by 9am for Rowens first class meet.  Prior to having this option we were sleeping in a lot, rarely getting dressed and never starting our “work” before 10am at the earliest.  There was nothing wrong with this but by giving ourselves a bit more of an expectation it has helped us start our day off better.  We also have determine the morning as “school” time and then noon-ish is lunch and the afternoon is free for whatever we like. This has helped to establish again expectations   It hasn’t meant every day is great but it has made it easier for me to enforce and be a but more dedicated to school work.

3)  BE PREPARED.  I have found it is huge if I prepare stuff the night before. The kids are usually very excited to come out and the morning and see what stations I have set up for them or even for Rowen just to come see todays To Do list and know what he has to get done.   I think it gives me a bit more credit with them and they trust I have a plan (even when I don’t)

4). BREAK UP YOUR DAY.  Take breaks.  We sometimes call them body breaks and will set timers for a 15 minute jump in the tramp or a quick swing.  It might even just be a snack break (recess and lunch shouldn’t be forgotten).  We made some fun body break cards that Rowen could pull out and it would tell him somethings to do (10 push ups, dance like a robot, etc).

These are just a few of the things that we are trying hard to implement and follow to help make our days the best they can be.  We are looking forward to a time when we get to return to our programs but for now we will continue to work on what we can.

Keep learning.  Keep washing your hands.  Keep your head up!