So, I should probably start with I was once married… and not to my babies’ daddy. Basically I was always a bit of an old soul, not your typical teenager. Fairly serious and not into the usual things someone of my age was, so naturally I dated older (and when I say older I mean 10 years older). At 17 years old, a 10 year age difference is a lot in terms of life experience and overall maturity. But in true teenage fashion I didn’t listen to anyone’s advice and dated a man 10 years older.
At the time we were very good friends and what was exciting for both of us became easy and comfortable, as many relationships do. We supported each other through losses, career changes, schooling and more. But basically fell out of love and into routine and expectation. I honestly look back at 20 year old me and can say you do some serious growing and eye opening in your 20’s. My ex had already done all that (he was 27 when we met and 38 when we split) and was the same person I met at 17, when I left him at 29.
I however had made serious changes, I had become more understanding, less judgemental, more fun, less of a perfectionist, and basically just more confident in my skin. I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want, at 17 you just think you know. Sometime around the loss of my aunt and getting close to the end of my 20’s I realized life is too short and we both deserved to be truely happy. So after 10 years together and 3 years of marriage I left my very comfortable life, moved back in to my childhood home with my sister and her boyfriend and decided to create a life I loved and deserved! This is definitely a story or stories for a later blog post but I thought it important for you to have a bit of background.
Now in all my 10 years with my ex-husband, you can ask anyone who knows me, I was fairly certain I didn’t want kids! It’s funny to me now because what I realize is I didn’t want kids with him. He now has a child of his own and I have 3 of my own, and I am sure he is a wonderful parent but I don’t think we would have complimented each other’s styles in raising kids.
So, fast forward a few years and here I am (Approx 5 years post divorce), in a new relationship with a man I truely love and admire, with 3 kids all under the age of 3 and a young pup! We are busy to say the least, maybe a little tired and mostly just happy! To say I created a life I wanted is an understatement. To think in 5 short years my life could change so drastically is insane!
I left my husband and decided to live a little, the way I never did in my teenage years or even in my early 20’s. So uptight Carly became Bad Carly (as my brother in law likes to say BC). I didn’t do anything that bad but maybe had a little too much fun. I bought myself a motorcycle (Harley of course) and learnt to ride, I danced on the table at the legion after way too many shots of tequila and somehow managed to not get kicked out (please don’t tell my Grandparents they would disown me), I worked on a farm (and drove a tractor… just a little one!), I reconnected with friends I had lost touch with and I had fun! Most importantly I learnt what I wanted from my life.
I decided I wanted someone who made me laugh, and take life a little less seriously but appreciated life. I decided I wanted kids (probably 3, seeing as I was one of 3 girls and what could be better than that?). I also decided I wanted to surround myself with people who inspired me, who were happy and thoughtful and good, whether that was family or friends it didn’t matter. And I did all of this.
I met Fraser and we rode together and had fun! He was not what I imagined I would want or love in a partner and he was perfect for me. He was a little rough around the edges, wore only black T’s from the Harley store, was a longshoremen, was single at 32 (must mean there is something wrong with him right???), and the best part was he was from Ladner and knew all the same people I knew, he actually was friends with my uncle and sisters! So, we gave it a go… it took some convincing, he was stubborn and didn’t like labels or to commit. But obviously I was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he was lucky to have found me;) We didn’t waste much time, had a little fun but knew we both wanted a family and both wanted to be together. The thing for me about dating in my 30’s and knowing what I wanted is I knew I didn’t want casual and I didn’t want to waste anymore time. Fraser is a bit of procrastinator and likes to think about stuff forever, but I think together we compliment and balance each other out. SO, we decided to go for it and very quickly we had 3 kids!
We had discussed starting to try and start a family in March of 2014 and little did we know we were pregnant in February. Then after having our first baby we knew we wanted more than one child and Fraser didn’t seem to care how close together the kids were but he knew I loved how close in age I was to my sisters and I wanted our kids to have the same experience and be close. This lead to us finding out we were expecting again just 3 short months after we had our first baby, Rowen. As crazy as this was on my emotions and body, I wouldn’t change it for the world. It was exhausting having one baby why not try two? Plus boys develop differently than girls and often now I find our son Rowen (oldest child) and our daughter Grace (middle child) are learning and doing similar stuff as they are just 13 months apart.
Our last baby was a bit harder for us to decide to try for, life with two babies and in a small space (we lived in our basement suite and rented out our top floor) was busy and crowded but I also knew if I waited I would be hesitant to want to go through anther pregnancy and another newborn stage. I am someone who likes to purge often (like how do people hold on to all their baby stuff for each child?) and even replace if it has been too long. So in my logical mind we had all the stuff we should just get her done! Plus I had always said I wanted 3 kids under 3, and time was a ticking. Once we decided to try we didn’t even have to think about it we were pregnant again. Seriously insane and I do feel so extremely blessed knowing that so many families struggle to conceive. Knowing how difficult many families have it made my family feel even more meant to be! So in March 2017 we welcomed our last baby Eleanor into this world and were the proud parents of 3 beautiful babies. Some days feel insane, our kids are very young and still do not listen well, aren’t able to communicate with words well yet, definitely love each other and want to be helpful but are still learning how and what that looks like. So while I see lots of families who have 3 or more kids, they often have a couple years between each and are able to ask the older one for help or even just to stay still or have a little patience. We do not have that luxury. We have three kids who fight for attention and do not understand patience, we have three kids who have diapers and need us. Some days are hard and we are spread thin. There are only two parents and three babes. But most days we are too scattered to remember how trying it was and just look at their dirty sleeping faces and know it was worth it and in a blink of an eye it will be over, they will be grown and we will not be needed like this and we won’t remember the diaper blow outs, spit up in my hair and all over my clothes, crying and screaming and teething and biting. So, we are trying to survive each day but also enjoy the good moments, find humor in the craziness and really just love the kids we have. It isn’t hard to do because we have some of the best kids around (okay I may be biased but I only surround myself with the best people, my own kids included). I think each family is unique and has it’s own set of challenges and perks. I would say the perk to our family dynamics is we hope our kids will grow up as friends, the challenge is we might be stretched a little thin some days but we know that in the end it is so worth it.
I love this life Fraser and I created, we have worked hard and continue to work hard everyday. It is not perfect, the kids cry and are dirty, we are tired and our house is often messier than I would like, our bank account is going in the opposite direction than it used to go… and is smaller than we would like it to be:( But we know that at the end of the day our hearts are so incredibly full, we are sharing moments with our kids that not everyone has the luxury of sharing, we are spending money creating memories and experiences that will hopefully mold our kids into amazing adults. Our time here is short and we don’t know how long it will be so we don’t want to waste it angry, stressed or doing things we don’t like or want to do (obviously within reason, I still do the dishes, and we still pay our mortgage). We however have found careers we love, spend our downtime doing things we love and surround ourself with people we love. We also know we want to lead by example and show our kids how to be kind, happy and contribute in some way. These are a few of the ways we are surviving our self made triplets!