Tag: anxiety

HELP… This Parenting Gig is Tough!

.Reading time 8 minutes.

So this vacation has been amazingly good for our parenting egos, basically whenever we go out as the whole family we get at least one if not many compliments. Some are just about appearances “Oh look, they are so cute”, some are more surface/conversational “you’ve got your hands full”, but the best are “wow your kids are so well behaved”, “you guys make it look easy, we are struggling with one”, and many more.

It’s interesting because when I look around there are lots of families walking with babies or just one kid and it does look easy. The parent to child ratio is great 2:1 but then I look at our circus and the kids are becoming such great friends, they are learning how to play with each other and more than that they are learning life skills like sharing, compromise and empathy. When I see Grace stop to help Rowen or Row check on Eleanor to give her a bottle and a blanket, there is nothing else like it. It reminds me when the challenging times come that we made the choice to have 3 kids and that despite the challenges there are way more good times than difficult. Plus not all moments are challenging some days we attempt something and the kids are all in the right mood and somehow we have this incredible day that even I want to give ourselves a little pat on the back.

That being said we are really struggling with discipline and follow through, I am looking for any ideas that have worked with your family. I think the hardest thing right now is finding age appropriate discipline, basically we have Rowen (3), Grace (2) and Eleanor (10 months). Oh and the struggle with being outnumbered by our kids. We don’t have enough hands to catch all of our rascals when they start running away! Or have your tried going to the pool with 3 kids 3 and under (it’s terrifying).

We are working hard on being proactive. So for example in anticipation of being near a pool and ocean for a good chunk of time we invested in quality swimming lessons and both kids wear their swim belts while swimming (supervised). We also don’t go certain places or plan around when we will have less kids or even bribe them with food. Like we had to go to Costco to do a big shop but we bought them fries and they ate in the shopping cart while we did all our groceries. May be this is bribery and not teaching them how to behave in a grocery store or maybe its genius. I do not know, but what I do know is it is what works and what has been helping us get by:)

However there are some areas we are struggling.

The one challenge I faced today is Grace learning how to share or learning patience to wait. Eleanor was napping so I took Grace and Rowen with their new balls across the street to the park. Kids have given up naps although we are finding they need them while vacationing (who doesn’t!). They love the swings and both still want to be in a baby swing. Well this particular park only has two baby swings and I let another family use one so my two kids had to share. Rowen was fantastic and patiently waited his turn but Princess Grace lost it when her turn was up. She arched her back, screamed like she was being attacked and let the waterworks fly. At which point I made the decision to follow through with my promise and bring both kids home, no more park or swinging. The same situation had happened last night when all the swings were taken and Grace could not grasp why “her” swings weren’t available.

How do you reason or explain to a two year old about sharing and waiting. My latest attempt is they are told the rules before, ie if you cannot share when we get to the swings and do not listen we will go home. Then usually what ends up happening is we have to pack up and go home. I am hoping after a few consistent times it will help break this behaviour but so far I don’t know if the kids even notice what is happening.

With Rowen it is whole other issue we are dealing with, LISTENING. His example was at the pool yesterday when he was told to stop throwing his toy out of the pool and he didn’t listen. He was given multiple opportunities to stop and many chances to stay but he continued so we just scooped him out and left the pool. This happens all day long in terms of taking toys from people, not keeping our hands to our selves, and just general annoying bickering between siblings.

The things I have learnt that do work include adjusting my expectations and setting us up for success.

Example is if I know they are tired I don’t expect the same out of them. We try to go for a nap or plan activities I know won’t cause arguments. Another example is if I want to go somewhere with them I try to plan it at a good time. Taking them in the morning while they are typically a little happier and more agreeable.

Expectations include things like ordering take out and hitting up the park instead of trying to go to a restaurant and then taking away a park play because they behaved badly.

Sometimes these things are hard to do because they aren’t what I want to do or they are inconvenient. But I know in the long run it will be more than worth it. I do know one thing though. We were in Maui last year at the same time with just Rowen and Grace who were just 2 and 1 at the time. This year we have been able to relax a little more and enjoy the beach and the pool more with them as well as some new activities and even eat out a bit. So, with this in mind I realize as the kids get older some things will hopefully become easier.

Have you had similar struggles with 2 and 3 year olds? Do any of my struggles sound familiar? Did you find anything that worked with your family? Would love to hear from you:)

3 Fast Years.

.Reading time 8 minutes.

When I was pregnant with Rowen Fraser and I would imagine all the possabilities for our first child… Would he or she be confident, social, shy or independent?  We envisioned a child with all sorts of wonderful characteristics, all the best traits and lots of friends and accomplishments. What we didn’t discuss or envision was this child’s struggles or the obstacles they would have to overcome.

I have been worried about our oldest, Rowen, since before he was born (I guess that is what parents do).  Being our first baby every milestone mark comes and you worry.  “Did he get his teeth in the right order, at the right age, can he walk? Does he sleep through the night?  Is he taking a bottle, he’s too old and we need to wean him.”  These are just some of the many thoughts I would over analyze about with Rowen.

Lately the concerns have been hard to explain or list but I was worried that he wasn’t developing as he should!  Then we got a call to come in and meet with the teachers, they had noticed a lot of the same things I have noticed and were impressed by how on top of it I was. Obviously its nice to know you haven’t been over reacting and that you were right to trust your mama bear instinct but it’s also a little upsetting to hear your child isn’t developing typically or that he is already facing more struggles than the average two year old.

I had a friend point out the everyone will struggle or have troubles at one time or another so it isn’t if it’s when? And the sooner it happens the better prepared and equipped you are to deal with life. I love this and totally agree with it. So I am looking at this latest hurdle as an opportunity for growth for myself as a parent and for Rowen as a person, learning skills that will help him through his life.

Funny thing about parenting is, it is nothing like what you expect it to be and it is so hard (and rewarding and amazing).   I think we glamorize parenthood (especially the newborn stage) to be magical and natural.  When in reality parenting is so much more than that… it is challenging, exhausting, trying and so very emotional.

I had images of what my children would be like, personalities, looks and even how they would dress, like a lot of people we said “our children will never do that” or “we will raise them differently”. Before becoming parents we knew it all, now that we have children we know nothing!

My kids refuse to wear the clothes I pick out (a lot of the time they refuse to wear clothes at all), my almost three year old is not even potty trained yet, we co-sleep the majority of the time, we have an iPad for every child and we avoid taking our kids to restaurants (something I swore my kids would do and do well).   Nothing is how I thought it would be. Sometimes I am frustrated that the kids that I have aren’t the kids that I imagined but then I realize they are so much more!

We are just learning as we go with this parenting thing, and really try to make the best decisions we can make. Sometimes we get it wrong and often we are so happy we had three kids , hopefully we get it right for Eleanor! LOL:). Just kidding we hope all three kids turn out okay.

It has been and continues to be a learning curve. Tomorrow I will take Rowen to the paediatrician and start the process of hopefully getting some developmental assessments done. This is good, this is progress and hopeful will give us some tools as to how we can best help Row to succeed.

Next week my oldest and first baby turns 3, and I am not sure how I feel. I remember finding out I was pregnant, going 2 weeks overdue. I remember having an emergency c-section and being up with him through those first few months where everything is new to all of us and we didn’t want to let him cry ever. We have learnt that sometimes he will cry and we can’t prevent it but that’s okay. And that everything with Rowen is new to all of us and that whatever we do it is with the best intentions. Most importantly we celebrate him and who he is and all the things that we love about him.

Next week we will celebrate his birthday his style, at McDonalds with a few friends and cousins (he doesn’t like loud or big groups), he loves French fries and donuts so I will order him a donut cake. Then for dinner we will go to Nans house (as per his request) and have Boston Pizza (his other favourite food besides fries, must be Boston Pizza or Niagara, nothing else compares for him) and then Nan will have a cake she made for him!

I love Birthdays and like to go crazy with parties but I know that isn’t what Rowen would enjoy so this year it was all about him and what he would pick (plus Grace’s birthday is less than a month away so I can always go wild there).

These three kids are by far Fraser and I’s most challenging job/responsibility and greatest achievement. We cant imagine a life without them and are truly trying to live in the moment and enjoy them while they are little because they are growing so fast!

How did your kids surprise you and change you? Can you remember the days before kids (we often try and it seems so long ago)? Was parenting what you expected? I would love to hear what you think about parenting and life with kids…

Self Care

.Reading time 4 minutes.

 

How often do we schedule in time for ourselves?  I know when I most need it is when we are busiest and that is when it is hardest for me to choose myself over all the other things that I need to get done.  However as a family we are working very hard to prioritize self care for all of our family members.  For us the focus has been around diet and exercise.  So it has meant scheduling in each of our activities and even scheduling in grocery shopping and meal prep.  This has been the game changer, if its on the calendar then we somehow manage to book around it!  Fraser and I sit down each week and schedule our workouts, allowing each other time to go out and get that much needed exercise in.  Plus we meal plan, make a grocery list and then grocery shop and meal prep (typically on a Sunday but doesn’t always work that way).  No person or family is perfect but we are trying to find a way to just make this our new normal!  I used to be able to find every excuse but now we just do it and feel so much better… the results have been incredible.  Both of us have found we have more energy, better and more stable moods, more patience with the kids and overall just happier, plus we both have lost weight (Fraser more than I!).

What stops you from making time to be a better version of yourself?  How can you take care of your family and your responsibilities if you are not taking care of yourself!   We all know what we should do and what makes us feel good but knowing and doing are two different things.  I encourage you to see if you can make a date with yourself this week!

What does self care look like to you?  Sometimes we are so out of practice that we make the time and then don’t know what to do with it, or we think every self care activity is expensive and we cannot afford it, this is so not true… here are some of my favourite suggestions.

  • Go for a walk
  • Take a bath
  • Hit up the gym or even the local pool for a swim
  • Clean (I am a little crazy but sometimes cleaning makes me feel so good)
  • Grab a Starbucks and read a Book
  • Mediate or practice yoga (this doesn have to be at an expensive studio, use YouTube or an app)
  • Paint or colour or draw… I am no artist but sometimes just listening to music and painting feels so relaxing.
  • Write or Journal… not sure where to start how about all the things your thankful for, or a bucket list,

Hope some of these ideas inspire you!  Would love to hear from you and the ways you make time for self care!

Back to School Blends

.Reading time 10 minutes.

I have been so busy with back to school and back to schedules and back to routine that I have been a little slow with sharing my oil information with you all! But I will start now, and what better place top start with then some of the oils that are most helpful with our kiddos (and us) and helping ease them into routines!

For those of you that aren’t familiar with Essential Oils or specifically doTerra I will just let you know when I recommend oils or how to use them I am referring to doTerra Oils. All brands and oils are made differently and used differently so just be careful and aware of what you are using.  For more info on using Essential Oils click here.

So basically my goal with my kids and school is to make sure they feel good in their bodies and they are well and able to learn.  SO many things affect kids and their learning (environment, learning style, mindset, diet and mood… the list is really endless).  And so many of these things we are able to control or change, some obviously are harder than others but we can adjust the lighting, remove distractions, change foods and diet, add in breaks through out the day and visuals for learning or whatever else might help.  Another way to help with making kids feel good for school is by using oils.  The oils I am going to focus on today will help with 4 main areas

  1. Physical Health (Cold & Flu & Germs)
  2. Anxiety & Mental Well Being
  3. Focus
  4. Strength (Bravery Blends)

1.  KEEPING OUR PHYSICAL BODIES HEALTHY (Cold & Flu type stuff)

First thing that comes to mind when I think feel good is to stay healthy, and we have a few oils that can aid in helping with healthy bodies in kids.


DigestZen:  This is a great one for kids with tummy issues,  just dilute it into a roller ball with fractionated coconut oil and then rub on child’s tummy.  It will help with gas, bloating, digestion.  


On Guard:  This is the oil for school, again you dilute and put it on a rollerball and have your child put it in their sock drawer.  Then before they put their socks on have them roll the bottoms of their feet.  It helps protect against environmental and seasonal threats with a blend of oils known for their positive effects on the immune system. 


Easy Air:  This is a good one for help breathing for any sort of issue (maybe its shortness of breathe from anxiety or maybe its dust in the classroom, exercise, etc). Whatever the reason same application as DigestZen , dilute in a rollerball and then have your child apply to chest.  A really easy way to get them to do this is to say make a heart on your chest with the rollerball!

2.  MENTAL WELLBEING & ANXIETY

Another big thing in our house with the kids is Transitioning into preschool. Currently in our world my kids (mainly my son) has had to transition into a more structured day, with time away from mom and dad and siblings and having to be up and out of the house by 9am.  Obviously every family is different and it might be different issues with your little or big kids but they may gave some of the same solutions.  So here are a few helpful oils!


BALANCE & SERENITY

AKA Liquid Calm these two oils are grounding and calming blends.  Balance is a bit of a woodsy smell to it and it works for when you are feeling on a bit of high and need to come back down, Serenity has a floral/ vanilla scent to it and is calming for people, even good to help with sleep.  Serenity has a very gentle aroma and would even be nice put on a piece of diffusing jewelry for a child to have.  (Balance is one of my all time favourites) 


CONOSLE & PEACE

Console has been described as a hug in a jar, but the really cool thing about console is DoTerras team of chemists actually researched how the brain reacts to a hug and tried to find a combination of oils that had the same reaction… so this is as close as you can get to a hug from oils!  It has a floral scent to it and is a blend of many different oils including Frankincense, Patchouli, Ylang Ylang, Rose and more.  Peace is known to give the immediate calming feeling, literally you just cup it in your hand and breath it in to feel the calm!  These two oils are good for helping with separation anxiety.  (These are on my next personal order for sure, both my older kids have been having serious separation anxiety!)


CITRUS BLISS

Exactly how it sounds an invigorating blend of citrus scents with a touch of vanilla. This blend is uplifting and energizing and when combined with Balance it is known as “Monster Juice” used to calm your little monsters.  

3. FOCUS

These oils can be used to help kids or anyone focus. Sometimes you migh find ADD or ADHD students can find these oils useful in keeping attention.

 

LEMON: The clean scent of lemon helps to bring you back to focus. So if you find you are easily distracted and your mind wanders this might be a good oil to try!

VETIVER: Earthy and woodsy smell that is also used for anxiety and panic attacks. Vetiver can help stop mind chatter, so if you have brain that just doesn’t stop and its hard to focus because it has so much going on up there try Vetiver!

PEPPERMINT: Smells as you would imagine (almost like a candy cane) and it helps make you more alive, it wakes you up!  This oil can help your brain catch up to your thoughts. 


IN TUNE:  This blend was specifically designed to support focus, one easy way to apply would be on the bottoms of the feet before school or on the back of the neck,  even to have in an inhaler so that your child can smell it whenever they need to throug out the day. 

4.  STRENGTH (BRAVERY BLENDS)

Who couldnt use a little help with finding strength and bravery in everyday situations, and when your little school projects or difficult situations definitely need you to brave.  A few great oils for this are:


GINGER:  This warming oil is great for empowerment, amazing for self confidence!  Plus if you are anything like me difficult situations can upset the tummy and this oil helps to calm the tummy.


TERRASHIELD:  Interestingly enough is the bug repellent blend but it is also ab ink fir shielding (setting boundaries).  If your kiddos are having issues with dealing with others maybe this would be a good one to help. Think warrior oil!


MOTIVATE:  This citrus and minty blend is made to give you an uplifting push of motivation.  It can help keep the heart open and communication!