Tag: focus

Grateful Heart

.Reading time 6 minutes.

Some years are better than others.

Some years bring weddings, babies, travel, financial gains and promotions, home improvements and more. So much happiness can happen over the course of one year.

Some years bring illness, deaths, financial losses, divorce and other hard or sad life events. It’s surprising how much sadness can happen over a year too.

And then a year brings a pandemic and you aren’t sure what to think!

Most of my 36 years have been filled with some highs and some lows and lots of in between times. I am fortunate enough to say that for the majority of my life and the majority of those years I have had more of the good stuff than the bad stuff. Although the bad is hard, lots of the “hard” stuff has given me perspective to appreciate and search out more of the good and appreciate people or moments more.

I am not naive and know somethings have no “bright side” or positive way to look at it. You have to grieve it, feel it and live with it. There have been deaths and losses that I have never “gotten over” and forever will be missing those people. There have been circumstances that make me so sad and struggle to understand why or how they can happen.

I am however a believer of creating your own happiness and being grateful for the things you do have. I can honestly say by having the “Farlow 5” (my husband and 3 kids), especially during this last year, it has been a big eye opener that if we are all together and healthy and happy then my life is pretty damn good.

This year has been hard for so many people, we had some losses including a loved family members pet and a four year old neighbour. To see our family and friends hurt badly, to loose someone so young and to have something happen so close to home has been heart breaking and again another eye opener. None of us know how long we are here for. We can’t predict or plan the future, if this year has taught us nothing else it has taught us that for sure.

However as this year comes to a close I can’t help but think of all the positives it has brought for us personally but also for family and friends. We have got to spend time with our kids we never expected to have, make memories together, bought our beloved Snoopy Sam II (made a road trip and adventure out of picking it up), cruised through the gulf islands this summer, spent more time at the beach then I thought was possible, embraced outdoors for every season, started a home garden that flourished, homeschooled (lifelong dream that I would have never thought I would get the opportunity or have the courage to do), and I even got my PAL and went on my first duck hunt. We have welcomed new babies this year (yet to meet them but super excited for friends)… mostly on the island so watch out when those ferries open to non-essential travel! We have heard from friends who are pregnant now and expecting in 2021 (some were after trying for so long!), we have had friends celebrate successes at work, purchase new homes (yet to see some of them but looking forward to when we can), celebrate milestone birthdays (crazy we are nearing the big 4-0!!!) and so much more. Our family and friends has shown us compassion and love beyond this year and in the most creative ways. Humanity has also just shown up and shown how creative they can get and how caring people can be.

Sometimes it is hard to celebrate or feel good about a year that has been pretty good when you know it hasn’t been the same for others. However, I think this is the way life goes. Some years are incredible for some and horrible for others, and then the roles flip… so I end this year feeling empathy and sadness for so many others. I also end it with the most grateful heart. I look back on this past year grateful for the life we have and the things we were able to experience despite a pandemic!

As we are about to celebrate a new year and move into 2021 I will look back on 2020 focusing on all the positives it brought my family. I will forever feel empathy with those who haven’t had the same experiences, and will hope that 2021 will bring more happiness than heartbreak. And of course good health.

Whatever your year has looked like, I hope you can find some goodness from over this past year and continue to be grateful. From my family to yours I wish you all a Happy New Year.

90,000 Reasons to be Passionate about your Work.

.Reading time 12 minutes.

I believe in doing things with passion. I also believe the people you surround yourself with are reflections of you and should share some of your beliefs or goals. So, although my friends and family may not all have the same background, parenting styles, schedules, money management, political beliefs I think we share some common values.

What ties me to my people? I think honesty and integrity, selflessness and caring for others, family and respect especially in regards to prioritizing people and experiences over stuff are just some of the values that bond my friendships with people.

That being said over the last little bit I have noticed a common trait in my girlfriends that has not only left me feeling fairly inspired but super proud of them and all their accomplishments! My tribe is one of diverse careers, ranging from entrepreneurs, government employees, corporate boss babes to stay at home moms and more. Some even wear more than one of these hats and do it with ease making it look much easier than I know it is. I have discovered what I think it is that makes them so inspiring and so good at their jobs and its Passion!

I am lucky enough to have the full time job of CEO of the Farlow House. This means I manage 3 kids schedules and 1 busy longshoremen’s finances, household, social calendar and more. In addition this full time gig I also have been working part time and sporadically at my girlfriends family farm Emma Lea. I love being at the farm and getting to see everything they do as well as meet new people and share this special place with the community. It is a pretty great job and one I totally value. Last year we were asked to take 40 locals on a tour of the farm and tell a little bit about what we do. Katie (my boss, good friend and one of the farmers) was phenomenal at this. She blew me away with her ability to simplify something very complex and explain in in such a condensed version, within half an hour, people could really get a feel for how special and how much work and love goes into the farm. Not only did I learn some new things about how the farm runs and what cool voluntary programs we participate in as a member of the farming community, I also got to see my boss and friend show and share her passion for the farm and her job. I hate calling it her job because when you hear her speak it doesn’t sound like a job at all but more of a privilege and a choice. One thing that makes the farm unique to me and became evident with Kates tour was how the farm, although a business with a bottom line, was also a place that wanted to be known for employing people fairly and with integrity, treating animals ethically, and contributing to a greater good. I think when businesses or people go above and beyond what is expected and make decisions with more than just money in mind it is really something special.

I left the farm tours and started to think about other friends and their careers, does everyone do such amazing things… Then later I was out getting the kids haircut by our hairstylist, as well as good friend and I saw more passion for a job. I know she loves what she does and she is great at it (you just have to search the community facebook pages and hear all the recommendations or watch her in the salon to know). The thing is getting your hair cut can be emotional for lots of people. My son has ASD and sometimes struggles to sit in the chair (as do many kids) and she does every cut with patience and love. Plus she knows just how to turn a crappy day into a great one and help transform my mama pony into a beautiful hairstyle worthy of the magazines. She is a hard working mom herself, yet still manages to volunteer her time and talents whenever she can for the many charity events her salon takes place in including fundraisers out at Emma Lea. She is continually working towards bettering herself with workshops and training and recently advanced to a higher level of stylist. This girl cuts hair with passion and style all her own and being one of my youngest friends (only by a few years) she does it with so much confidence and class for someone who just turned 30. She is super passionate and super inspiring in her work life, reminding me that you can be a busy and great mom still working on building and advancing a career all your own. It is a great reminder and example.

I am super lucky to have at least a dozen examples like this of friends and family who inspire with their careers and I think that is something super special. The reality is most people have to work, and most people spend a lot of time over their lifetime at their jobs. With that in mind shouldn’t we have some passion in what we do and enjoy our time at our job. I think it is unrealistic to say you will always love your job or only do things you can do with passion because sometimes a job is a job and we do what we have to do. But hopefully it is short term while you work towards something you love. If you are like us and have kids I think there is no better example to show then your kids seeing and hearing about your job in a positive light. Imagine facing a future knowing you will have to enter a workforce and hearing your parents talking with dislike about their own careers.

I think of one of my friends who has three kids like us and not only went back to school while having kids but also started her own home based business as a mortgage broker. It meant leaving a very reliable and good job for something risky and unsure. She is super passionate and continually challenging herself and building her business. As hard as I see it is for her working from home with three little kids she is setting such a great example for her girls, and she definitely is a good example of a career woman wearing many hats… I mean she manages her own business but also raises three beautiful girls, did I mention she is a Sparks leader? Like this lady knows no limits.

Like I said the list goes on and on, we are so fortunate to have many inspiring friends. I feel incredibly blessed to have at least a dozen or more examples of friends and family who have passion for their careers and excel at their jobs. It is not often you get to see friends and family in their workplace, doing their magic but if you take time to ask about work and what they do you might be surprised at the answers (good or bad) and you might be surprised at the passion people can have for sometimes overlooked jobs.

My sister works for Children’s, Women’s and VGH Hospitals and she has the coolest job but it isn’t one easily explained or one that I can even understand. She encourages and supports parents and patients to get informed and become active in making their healthcare decisions. To hear her speak about her job and even the learning and stats she does on some really tough illnesses like mental health and cancer in kids is really amazing. She is always doing extra learning, courses or acting on boards to learn more in her field and be a better support to her patients, plus she is enthusiastic and passionate about what she does.

I think so often we think to be passionate you need to have a glamorous or cool job or job title but I completely disagree, I think its about attitude and the way you share your stories. The people who inspire me are enthusiastic, always learning, knowledgeable in their fields and most important they show passion for whatever it is they are doing.

I hope our kids can see us do our jobs with passion and enthusiasm and that whatever they decide to do in this lifetime it is something they enjoy doing. The best thing I think we can do to encourage that is to set the examples ourselves. So, if you are getting ready to go to bed tonight and setting your alarm to get up and go to a job you feel less than thrilled to have may be its time to ask yourself what would make it better? How can you light a little fire and get a little excitement to get up and go?

Living a life we love, managing stress and coping with anxiety

.Reading time 12 minutes.

So, my first 30 years were the years I didn’t know how to manage my stress. I often felt overwhelmed, suffered from chronic headaches as well as feelings of depression and anxiety. Everything from relationships to money to work to any sort of responsibility would be stressful for me.

Today, I rarely get a headache and now instead of having them caused by emotional stress they are usually brought on by forgetting to eat, too much sun and not enough water or on occasion cheap wine or one too many drinks!

I have recently been really wondering what was so stressful before that isn’t so stressful now? Like seriously I am now responsible for three tiny humans, I should be more stressed. I am realizing though, with life experience you gain confidence, hopefully some coping mechanisms for anxiety and stress and of course the ability to recognize and ask for help.

I think there are a few things for me that lead to stress and the feeling of being out of control.

  • Overwhelm. Always saying yes to everything. With the best intentions but I struggled to set realistic goals.
  • Avoidance. Ignoring issues past or present. Not communicating and afraid to make changes. Avoiding confrontation or difficult conversations.
  • Caring too much about appearances and what others think, instead of prioritizing myself. Doing things to make others happy instead of being true to myself.

I think often people see my blog or even a picture I post or an instagram story and are happy to believe that my life is pretty good and I have it really easy. I agree my life is really good, but a really good life still takes hard work and compromise and everything comes with a price tag. As for having it easy, I think grass is always greener on the other side. We have chosen to try and see the bright side and the best in our situation. It doesn’t always work, but for the most part I think we have created a life we are happy with and really are living our best life.

I have been told “you make it look all sunshine and butterflies”. It has really got me thinking, and it has reminded me that I shouldn’t care what other people think. This is so much easier said then done. It is far from sunshine and butterflies we have lots of challenging moments. However it also has got me thinking about what has changed in my life that I feel less stress than I ever did. The truth is I don’t believe anyone lives a stress free life however I do believe that it is all in how we deal with our stress and choose to live our lives that impact our quality of life.

For me personally a lot of my typical stresses are gone but a lot are gone because of choices and actions I took.

Schedule. First I make a big effort at using our calendar and scheduling in everyone’s stuff (Fraser’s ball, Rowens ABA, kids activities, parties, family social stuff, work, etc). Then when things come up we can check the calendar and try to avoid over scheduling. This sometimes means saying no or prioritizing. It has taken us a while to get to this point but I found we were so busy some days or weeks running from thing to thing that no one was having any fun and I was super stressed. We like to be flexible and plan as we go but having a bit of a schedule to work from has really helped to alleviate stress. This has also helped us to see improvements in the kids behaviour. When they are over scheduled we see more behaviours that we don’t love, which is a good sign to slow things down or take a day off. I also have realized that although I use a calendar and plan ahead, on a busy week it is best to take one day at a time. That has been a huge stress reliever.

Rituals. These are hard to think of but they are things we do to keep peace and order. They feel good to everyone because we know what to expect and they are calming. I have worked really hard at trying to not only have rituals with the kids but for myself. Prior to kids Fraser and I loved being sporadic but now with three kids we see the benefits to having some routine and rituals in our life. For me these rituals include things like journaling, moon circles, using oils, meditation, taking time to work on the farm once a week and girls nights. For the kids some things are our bedtime rituals (bath, reading, talking about our day and what is happening tomorrow, etc), baking with the kids and even our dance parties (which weren’t always popular with Rowen but we found a way to include him). I think these help to feel safe, in control and just regroup without surprises or unknown.

***Side Bar on rituals is that I have just established a plan with the help of my naturopath of a few things to do to try and get back on track and one of her suggestions was setting an hour, 10pm-11pm, where I do the same things every night to prepare for bed. Similar to how we do for our kids bedtime. I love this reminder of how important these rituals are!

Setting Boundaries. This has been something that has been difficult and caused some upset amongst some family but we are learning to set our boundaries. What I am learning about boundaries is that even workplaces and friendships can benefit from boundaries. I love knowing what other people expect and want and when things are clear it eliminates a lot of stress. Setting boundaries often can avoid feeling like you are being taken advantage of or even getting into awkward or difficult situations. Some examples for us of boundaries that were difficult to set but helped eliminate stress were things like limiting our visitors every time we had a new baby, declining some Christmas family activities because it was overwhelming (limiting how much we do right around the holiday), trying to leave Sunday as a family day, and really being clear about how we like the kids being treated and raised.

Practice Self Care. I am really proud of how well Fraser respects this and is really good at acknowledging when I need some me time. He will often notice if I am nearing a breaking point and suggest I go out for some solo time. He also is good at taking time to go work on a project solo or go to ball, just be on his own. I wouldn’t have ever believed this would take persuasion as I have always been great at self care. However once you have kids things change it is almost like I feel guilty sometimes taking time for me. I do think the more you practice self care the easier it gets because you realize you come back refreshed and ready to take more on!

Self care for me is often taking time away from the family and doing some of my rituals. Self care is even something as simple as working outside of the house, its funny to say that but having three young kiddos has meant we made the choice to have me at home. It was a team decision and a lot of it was it just made financial sense but it was also logistically for the lifestyle we wanted (kids activities, Fraser and I being able to see each other, parent participation in things, etc) that it made sense for us. As nice as it is that I am able to stay at home we both know it would be nice if I could work a little, unfortunately working a little means hiring some more help, having Fraser help out a bit and just more scheduling… I realize that self care is a priority and we make it work but it is a bit of work to take the time for me.

I think that you do not have to eat the same meals every Monday night, do the same thing every Tuesday morning, etc to create routines in your life. I know my resistance to creating these healthy habits was loosing spontaneity but that isn’t true at all. These are just ways to help manage stress and anxiety. Everyone is different and sometimes it takes a bit to figure out what will work for you but I encourage you to try. Often we know what we need to do but we just need a push to get there so whatever that push looks like for you… maybe it’s having an accountability partner, hiring a coach, seeing your naturopath or maybe its as simple as a checklist. Whatever it looks like take the time to do it! Living with less stress and anxiety usually means you get to live with a whole lot more of other stuff!

Far from Perfect Parenting

.Reading time 9 minutes.

This week started off with missing school on Monday because when Fraser arrived home from work ready to do school drop off everyone was still in bed sleeping. That pretty much set the tone for the week.

We, meaning I, struggle with staying organized and mornings. Mornings have always been tough and now with three little ones in tow, being organized enough to get to school and programs “early” all while making sure everyone has eaten breakfast is tough. To give myself a little credit though, I gotta say this is the first time that has happened.

Monday Morning Shenanigans

Monday was pretty good after the whole school thing, I mean it made for a great day with no obligation or responsibility. However Tuesday ends up rolling around and the efficient Garbage Men come and do pick up before we get our garbage to the street, we did however make it to Rowens program on time. If only the drop off went well. Rowen is only 4 and attends something every weekday morning. As mentioned mornings aren’t the greatest for me, but I have had to find a way to make them work as most mornings the kids need rides and we have somewhere to be. For some reason ABA is his least favourite activity and he really knows how to put on a show when we take him and drop him off. Tuesday ended up being a bit of a struggle and hard on Fraser who was doing the drop off. Not a nice feeling to leave a child crying about being left somewhere.

Tuesday Pick Up and Cousin Time

The day included some meltdowns, many fights usually initiated by Eleanor who has become our family mean girl. She loves hitting. Then I decided to try and clean out my car… I can’t even begin to explain to you how disgusting my car has become. We let the kids eat in the car, we spend time everyday driving and often the kids have food. It had reached a point of being unbearable. Although I am not sure attempting to clean out the car with three little helpers was a good idea. Fights over the vacuum then of course realizing the vacuum can suck your skin, then spraying windex everywhere to help clean, then playing with the hose, then fighting with the hose… and so cleaning the car went.

When it finally came time for dinner I asked my very cranky and tired kids what they wanted. 5pm and Rowen is requesting steak while Eleanor and Grace have a little easier request of pizza. So, pizza it is and I go to stick in a frozen pizza only to discover that we are out of frozen pizzas. I finally give in and run up to Little Caesars to get the kids their favourite crazy bread with a side of pizza. I get to the store only to realize I forgot my wallet at home… Tuesday!

We ended our day with a fire in our carport and roasting marshmallows around it for s’mores. I think it was a good end to a trying day. Most days are trying with our kids. They have moments of disappointment or doubt. Drop offs that go bad and you leave you feeling like a bad parent or when you loose your patience and yell at the kids for something small. Then there are moments in the day where you show patience or teach them something new. Or the moments where you see them interacting and playing together nicely or you see them making friends and being independent. So much is packed into one day and we really try our best but I also now that we are far from perfect.

Tuesday Campfire

I love hearing other people tell us how much they love watching our family. All the fun things we attempt with the kids or the experiences we have, how brave we are and how much they love seeing pictures of the kids and the funny things they do.

Thing is sometimes I feel like we are being fake, or it looks better than it actually was. When you see a couple pictures of the best moments of the day then you think we are pretty great. We are pretty great, but we are also pretty normal. Every parent is just trying their best and figuring out stuff as it comes up. We don’t know what we are doing, we are just doing what we think is best. Best is relative too, because it means making decisions for 5 people not just 1. Sometimes what is best for 1 doesn’t work for everyone and we need to decide how to make it work for our whole family.

I love the way we are raising our kiddos, and recently someone mentioned that it looks like we are having a party everyday. I think we are, because if I have learnt anything as I have gotten older it is that everyday is a gift and we should celebrate. Celebrate everything all the little things and the big. So I hope my kids learn that and try to have as much fun as they can.

I guess the thing I would like people to know when they look at my pictures is to know that my floors are stick (and chairs and walls), my laundry is endless and rarely ever caught up, no matter how many times I wash the kids hands and faces and change their clothes they are filthy, and my car… I can’t even tell you when my car is clean because it never stays that way for long. We feed our kids more fast food than I would like to admit and we sometimes yell in our house… which I absolutely hate and regret anytime I do it.

We also teach sharing, and try to be patient with each other. The kids always have clean bedding and clothes and get regular baths, they always get fed and we try to balance the junk with the good stuff. Grace loves salads, whole peppers and really would pick a vegetable over anything. Rowen loves his steak and eats fruit like its candy. Eleanor will eat and try anything. We take advantage of our unique schedule and that my lucky kiddos are growing up with two parents who are home with them. We absolutely are up for an adventure and will try most things (at least once). We are a perfectly unbalanced chaotically calm family.

Things I Learnt in 30 (+4) Years

.Reading time 9 minutes.

So today is my 34th Birthday and although I really don’t think of myself as old, sometimes in some groups I am the oldest. Scary thought but take for example when I hang out with my three kids I out-age them easily, or when I am working at the farm I am “the old gal”, I am not sure when this happened by the way!

Above is me celebrating a single digit birthday.

Below is me celebrating my last year in my 20’s!

In all seriousness though, I love my thirties, and was so excited when I entered them. Now, almost half way through, I thought it was time to reflect and see what I have learnt. I kinda wish I could go back and tell my younger self some of these lessons but I worry if I did I wouldn’t have become who I am now and I kinda like this Carly:)

  • You can and will change, who you are today is not who you will be tomorrow. This has surprised me! The younger version of myself was far more rigid, organized and serious. The younger me also knew way more. As I age I realize I know nothing and have so much to learn. I have slowly, through time and experience, become more flexible, way less organized and I like to think a lot more fun!
  • Don’t let money rule all your decisions. I am not promoting debt but sometimes making the most practical decision (usually involves finances) isn’t the decision that will make you happiest. You don’t know what tomorrow will bring, make some decisions because it feels right, you love it or because it was on your bucket list. Take a risk! It’s okay to do things that scare you (once in a while). These are the things that usually lead to something great.
  • Becoming a parent is the most amazing and rewarding thing I have done to this day done, it is harder than anything I have ever experienced (physically and emotionally). I should have appreciated my own mother more growing up. I am so thankful that I have found the right partner to share this experience but to also help raise our kids with. The struggle often isn’t for the big things it is in the every day little stuff with kids. And this is also the stuff that is the funniest. I wouldn’t change a moment of it. My kids and my babies daddy have shown me what life is all about and I am thankful for the lessons they teach me almost everyday.
  • Work hard for things that matter and stay true to your values. When we stray from our values we end up feeling bad about ourselves and our life. It is important to make decisions for ourselves not for others. It is your life and you are the one who has to live it. You will know when it is time to give up or move on but somethings are worth working for.
  • Your future is not set and you can change your own life, be brave enough to take risks and follow your happiness. I am a bit of a dreamer but the idea is that you shouldn’t stay with something because you have to, you are never stuck! You do not have to do anything (well except maybe pay taxes). I am so happy I didn’t stay in my first marriage, it was safe and easy in some ways but it wasn’t right for me. I have changed jobs, school and career plans and I am so glad I did. Every job I had I loved but I knew when it was time to leave or make a change and I think thats important to take note of and act on. Sometimes these changes are scary and hard but so worth it.
  • It takes a village, you can never have too many true friends. Make sure you have friends outside of your family. When you make changes in your life you might have changes in your support systems and “your” people. I know as I made some changes in my life I gained and lost friends and in our case we even lost a big chunk of family. In my experience when you make a change it is scary for others and they cannot always be there to support you, everyone makes mistakes and has times where they are not their best selves. It is in these times our family and friends should be there to support and help us live our best life. Sometimes it is good to re-evaluate people and who you want in your life. Remember you have the power to make changes and stay true to your values. My friends are all extremely diverse and definitely don’t have the same parenting styles, lifestyle, financial or family dynamics but we all are honest, supportive and open minded. I love the group I have around me at 34. Some have been their since the beginning, some have come and gone and are back, and some I may not talk to or see often but when I do it just fits. I used to think all I need is a few good friends (which I still believe) but I feel in my own life I am so beyond blessed not only with quality people but a big quantity too! I think a big lesson for me is it is okay to have LOTS of friends (just make sure they are quality). There is lots of love to give. Also make sure your friends (and family) inspire, lift you up and leave you feeling good. IF they don’t maybe it is time to re-evaluate.
  • Live your best life. I am a true believer in when you live your best life the rest falls in to place. When we are truly happy and living our values the money, family, relationships, etc all fall into place. Of course it is hard work but this is the hard work that is so worth it.
  • Don’t wait, make now count. We seriously just have one life! We don’t ever know how long it is so do things now, make changes today. Live in the now, let go of the past and try not to over plan for the future… this will forever be an ongoing focus for me as I tend to dwell and love to have a plan!

I could go on but I think these are some of the big life lessons for me. Cannot wait to see what this next year has in store for me. Every year I worry that this is the year life will start to decline in quality and every year it just gets better and better. I definitely think that is what living your best life means. Just loving the life you are living.

Cheers to Sunday, living my best life and of course another year of life! Xo

My wish for my kids… an “ordinary” life.

.Reading time 8 minutes.

All my life I have been searching and dreaming. I wanted the best clothes, more money, success in a career and movement. I love learning and wanted to constantly be growing. But instead of focusing on the now I was busy caught up in future plans and dreams. Today I realized that without even trying I have everything I ever wanted and more. I don’t event think I was aware of what I wanted, and somehow the world provided and I got it all!

Friday I went to work. I recently decided I wanted to go back to work just one day a week at a friends farm. I have always wanted to be a farmer, but figured it was impossible with the cost of land (well and I guess the fact that I have no experience or knowledge about farming, minor details). Here’s where I was wrong, today I was a farmer, even if it was just for a couple of hours and even if I had no idea what I was doing. I helped in the raspberry fields, rode on a tractor, visited the cows and saw the newborn baby calf (born this morning), collected the eggs, loaded up a trailer of hay and spent the day with one of my girlfriends. Talk about a dream job. The funny thing is my paycheque isn’t huge, I don’t have a prestigious job title but I feel happy. I am outside, I am contributing to the care of animals and to growing food which is kinda incredible! Plus it feels so good. It reminded me that I don’t have to be doing something extreme or have a masters or degree to be doing a job I love and find meaning in it. Value and meaning can come from any different places and sometimes I find I forget that, so it was a good reminder.

After the farm I went home and grabbed my kids and spent the afternoon at the park with my sister and nieces. Not only did I get to hang out with family but we saw multiple friends and even friends parents! It was a great play, quality time with my kids and a few visits with people I hadn’t seen in a while. Fraser came out on his motorcycle and played too! I put away my phone, unplugged, let my kids run around without shoes (and tried not to worry about what all the other parents were thinking) and just played. It didn’t cost a thing but a little bit of time and we all had fun and left tired and happy.

When we got home I made a homemade dinner (this almost never happens and usually means being organized, tonight I just quickly did it), almost everyone ate it and I spent time just having fun bathing my daughters. The older two kids read me books, told me they loved me and asked me to lay down with them before bed so I did. It was the perfect ending to an amazingly ordinary extradorinaiy day. I even got to spend a bit of quality time with Fraser after the kids went to bed and before he went to bed (graveyard shift!).

When we were at the park earlier I was chatting with a friend and commented that we are going for a tour of an elementary school we are considering and that I was surprised at the things that are important to me about schools. I always thought I would have certain requirements for my kids school but I never thought those things would be more about emotional intelligence and not academic. Having kids has changed everything, My wish for my kids is to be happy and lead a life that makes them happy. I want their school years to be spent having fun, learning life skills and values like honesty, community, integrity, heart and the importance of friends and family. It has really changed the way I evaluate an look at a school and life in general. I feel incredibly blessed to have attended a local elementary school and to not only still see and have relationships with so many elementary school friends but to still see and talk to the teachers and support staff as well. These friendships have played a huge role in my life and I want the same for my kids.

I used to think I wanted them to succeed and success meant good grades, working hard on academics, following through with post secondary and more. Now success looks a little different to me. I want them to make quality friendships and know the importance of not only having good friend but being one. I want them to learn empathy and compassion, to travel and experience things like different cultures, religions and food. I want them to be adventurous and do things even if they scare them a little. I also want them to make mistakes and learn from them.

I think the biggest tool we have with our kids is modelling behaviours we want to see in them so I hope that Fraser and I can slow down long enough to enjoy the fleeting moments we have with our young kids before they grow and don’t want us around. I hope we can show them what is important in life and some of those things are just simple everyday things like playing in dirt and being outside and making good food and being together. I know we are not perfect and that we slip up or that some days are better than others but thats all part of learning about life. Life is meant for living and we intend on doing that and encouraging and supporting our kids to do the same. They continuously remind me of what’s important and to make time to laugh and play so I only hope I can do the same for them.

I love my far from ordinary Plain Life, and hope it doesn’t change too much but just evolves into an even better version! Regardless I will take time and enjoy this life. XO

Create a life you don’t need a vacation from.

.Reading time 8 minutes.

So in all honesty I have what might appear to some as a fairly relaxing life, but here is thing about relaxation it is different for everyone. I may not have to be at a paying job everyday and that might seem relaxing but I still have commitments and I still have doubts or moments of self doubt.

I am an over thinker and a worrier.

I am a planner and I am an organizer who wants everything to go a certain way.

I also suffer from anxiety and care what other people think even though deep down I don’t think it should matter.

I feel like I hear “Relax Carly” a lot or at least I used to and it never bothered me, I would try all my usual things (rescue remedy spray, yoga, eating properly, drinking water, going to bed early) but I have never felt more relaxed as I do right now. The funny thing is it has taken a little into our vacation to figure this perfect balance between the five of us.

Fraser and I have discussed what can we take from life on vacation and apply to everyday life to keep that relaxed feeling going. We discovered for us the reason we could just let go and have fun was because we didn’t have obligations, and I don’t just mean work I mean activities, school, commitments, social stuff like birthdays and family dinners, even things like cutting the lawn, making sure we went and paid property taxes or utility bills, arranging dentist appointments or cutting the lawn. These things are all obligations and expectations.

On vacation we had no responsibilities. We had to make sure we were fed and kept three tiny humans alive, that’s it. I don’t think we can avoid all commitments and obligations so second best thing is to take small breaks or time outs to relax, or at least this is our plan.

The biggest thing I am learning about relaxation is it looks extremely different to everyone. This is what can be challenging. I feel a lot of what we know or how we relax is learned (mostly from family but I think it could be said it is learned from a young age so anyone who during those years might have had influence on you).

For Fraser relaxing means no rush, no plan, watching TV or staying inside on the couch, etc. For me this can be stressful because we were raised if it was nice you should be outside, there is no reason to have the TV on and that we always had some sort of a plan for the day with a little structure. Sleeping all day or being lazy was rarely a thing we did. So, relaxing to me is still shutting down but it might include a little more structure (like being to the beach by a certain time) or making sure that we are outside everyday if it is nice out.

We both do find relaxation in taking the kids for walks or getting outside for some exercise. Taking time to play and feel no guilt about it. Playing could be jumping on the tramp, building forts or even just tickling and laughing. I really want to make play a priority in our house for all of us.

For our kids relaxing is even different again, all of our kids find the park relaxing Grace is a swing addict. Like could actually swing all day, but likes to be pushed. Rowen on the other hand likes to be chased, he is a kid who seems to really like to be engaged and kept busy physically. Eleanor is hard to tell yet but I think her most relaxed is being held. If you are calm and just hold her she is so happy and relaxed. Rowen and Grace seem very relaxed with TV Row even more so than Grace (I really dislike this and try to fight it). However what I am learning is if Rowen and Fraser tried to take away my books, writing, time at the spa or time at the beach I wouldn’t like it. So, if TV is one of their ways to relax and shut down then I need to appreciate that. I know it is hard for Fraser to understand how reading or even painting with the kids is relaxing, but I don’t understand how watching you tube is relaxing but that doesn’t mean we both shouldn’t do these things.

I think the biggest thing is to realize that a little relaxation can restart and reset the tone for your whole family. It is not reasonable to think you can just keep taking vacations to escape reality (I would know, I tried to convince Fraser of this plan!). It is however reasonable to find ways to incorporate relaxation or down time. For me that means locking the bathroom door and just taking a 10 minute shower, or putting the kids in the car and going for a bit of a drive or getting outside, going outside to the park or the beach or even the backyard. The dishes and laundry ain’t going anywhere! So I watch for signs that any of us need a little break and then we act on it.

I encourage all of you to take time to relax, give yourself permission and don’t feel guilty. And try not to judge or be mad at your spouse when he or she takes down time. It’s in everyone’s best interest that we do this! This may not look like the spa or yoga it might be zoning out in a garage and listening to music really loud, or playing video games or just lounging and watching you tube. Whatever it looks like make sure you take time to do it;)

I hope you all get to laugh more and take time out to play without guilt.

The dreaded B Word (BUDGET)

.Reading time 13 minutes.

Recently a common conversation has been occurring and it revolves around the cost of raising a family and living, the cost of getting by or even trying to get ahead and of course my all time favourite subject (NEVER EVER!!!) Budgeting. We have decided to start off March by tracking our expenses. It all started because I was shocked at how much we spent in Hawaii on groceries and kids diapers, formula, etc. I was shocked but to be totally honest never have paid attention to what we spend at home and possibly spend the same here and don’t realize. It got me thinking I should know roughly what we spend on groceries or gas or even on the going out in a month. Plus if we do decide to budget we should probably know where we could cut from.

Now I have a hard time budgeting but my spending habits have changed huge in the past 5 years. I have always worked (like since I was 14, and even earlier if you count babysitting). So, I always had money to spend and spend is what I did. I loved to shop, had very little financial responsibilities which meant things like spending $300 on a pair a jeans was okay, or getting my hair cut and coloured regularly for $300 was fine. Over the last 5 years I have become a homeowner, purchased a car on my own, had babies and now become a stay at home mom (meaning I no longer have an income). I guess you could say I have became a person with responsibilities. I love the changes in my life and I even like the reality check I have had, as it has really helped me to learn a bit more about priorities. I still buy and wear $300 jeans but I have only bought two new pairs over the last 3 years, and one was on sale (you don’t want to know my old stats on this bad habit!). I rarely get my hair cut and no more colouring for me, but this is more a time issue than budgeting. My life experiences have changed me and things I would have never imagined giving up have become easy and normal. For me the biggest change is having kids and knowing 3 little people rely on us to make good financial decisions and what used to seem important really doesn’t compare to the health and happiness of our kids.

The older I get the more I realize how precious and fast life is. We have experienced loss as a family before but since January Fraser and I have lost three friends. Lives taken far too short (not all our age) but all too young and leaving behind kids and families. This has had a huge impact on me and us, and has really changed our views on lots of things including money.

Now at the end of the day money makes the world go around and brings us security, safety and happiness even if it is temporary or superficial. However what truly makes our hearts happy is to see our kids and family happy and healthy. To know we are safe, feed, minimize stress, sleeping, eating well. These things are important and to some degree require money. I don’t want us to be crazy and dig out a deep hole of debt (been there and done that, don’t want to do it again). I also don’t want both of us to work our asses off only to find out life is shorter than we realized and we missed out on the now. We can’t turn back the clocks and redo our kids childhood or go on vacations or to special events we missed out on.

This means although we will budget we will also live, we will prioritize what is important to us and work hard at making sure we are fiscally responsible but not work so hard planning for the future we miss the present. We still can set goals for the future or be all responsible and plan for our retirement.

We try to follow some basic rules when it comes to budgeting. At the end of the day it is fairly basic with budgeting. You either increase your income or decrease your expenses! Easier said then done.

Here are some of the things we do:

  • Have a contingency fund (this goes for anything). Savings for unforeseen circumstances. This is not something I have ever done or done well but I am so thankful for Fraser and his ability to save. He loves to “hide” money or just tuck it away. For example we recently went to Hawaii and took cash but also had US Credit cards. He took a bunch of our US cash and tucked it away when we used out credit card so when we got home we had money to pay for it! The crazy thing is whenever he does stuff like this I don’t even notice but am so thankful he thought of it.
  • Prioritizing needs vs wants. We recently were given the option to privately test Rowen for Autism instead of waiting a year or more for a public test and we had wanted to put in a gas fireplace insert this year at Christmas but instead we used the money for Rows test. We don’t need a fireplace insert we just really want one but we would like to have some answers as to what has been going on with our son and how we can help him. Sometimes it might not be needs or wants but more of a case of priorities. It is hard to realize you can’t have it all but good if you can think what do you want the most?
  • “Extra” Income. When we renovated our house we really wanted more space so we decided to renovate and move upstairs. The layout of our house is a bit choppy and if we used the entire house we couldn’t have our super young kids on a different level than us. So, we kept the basement suite and rent it out for extra income. It is great because it allows me the financial flexibility to stay home with the kids and also to help offset our mortgage (which we refinanced to pay for the renovation). Last year we were also able to participate in a local market and Fraser made some beautiful wood products to sell. It was a super fun day but the best part was we made a little bit of cash! These are just a few examples of “extra” things we do to make some extra cash. It is shocking when you start to look around or try how you might be able to bring in extra income. Maybe its having a garage sale or selling stuff you no longer use or need, maybe its taking in all your bottles after a big party:) Whatever it is remember every little bit helps.
  • Choose Debt Wisely. I guess one way we budget is by being strategic about our debt. We love being homeowners but it has meant we needed a mortgage and therefore have debt. The interest rates are low, and we hope real estate is always a good invest and even makes you money (it already has). That being said we of course know credit card debt is bad, high interest and dangerous cycle, so if we need to use a credit card we pay it off ASAP or use the LOC instead and then pay that off. One example of choosing wisely is when we choose to renovate our house we ended up doing a bigger renovation than we originally had planned and to be able to afford it we had to use some form of financing. After checking out all our options we ended up refinancing and tacking it on to our mortgage. This was the least costly way to do it.
  • Ask a professional. Basically don’t take advice from me talk to someone who knows. We ask advice for everything why not seek it out for something as important as our financial planning. Ask your mortgage broker (this isn’t a budget tip because I would assume everyone uses a Mortgage Broker, hopefully your using Meghan Dodds Mortgage because she’s the best), insurance broker (Courtney Chambers is ours and we are so happy, she does it all house, auto and life insurance!), financial planner, and anyone you admire with finances. Pick financial role models and learn how they have had success!

When it comes to our financial attitude I think it changes but I am so thankful that out of Fraser and I he is level headed (usually) and for the most part makes sure we live within our means. The good news is our means are enough and we get to live a good life, the hard part is deciding what areas are important to us and what things we can live without.

We have decided our kids and family experiences are important, as well as good food (we try to know where our food comes from, buy some organic and mostly quality), and enjoying time together and with people we love. This also means taking time off, this is a big expense to us as Fraser is the only income earner in our house and when he takes days off they cost us pretty big $$$. However those days are worth more than money to all of us, so we will continue to save and prioritize time as one of the things we invest on.

Would love to hear from other families on how they save or don’t? And what budget tips you might have.

Simplify your stuff.

.Reading time 11 minutes.

I don’t know what it is but I can’t handle clutter… it has progressively gotten worse as I have gotten older and the funny thing is Fraser is kinda the opposite. I want everything to have a purpose and a place and if it doesn’t, or we are keeping it for sentimental, or potentially one day we might need to use it reasons, then I want it gone. Fraser on the other hand is king of saving and collecting, he is very sentimental and holds on to anything that could potentially serve a purpose ever! It is a constant battle! And sometimes he is right or things he has insisted we keep come in handy but most times I feel better with less.

Now having kids has brought on a whole new set of challenges in regards to stuff… Kids have stuff and they like stuff and they even make stuff. All their little art projects and tiny McDonalds toys and potty’s, change tables, diaper genies and play kitchens, etc. If you have kids you know what I am talking about, if you don’t have kids you might be like I used to be and think “if I ever” or “when I have kids”, it will be different, we won’t have all that stuff. Maybe you won’t but I bet you will!

I have worked hard at not giving in to too much stuff. We don’t have a dedicated change table but instead a regular dresser that we put the little change pad on top of so when diapers are finally over we can just get rid of the pad and still have a dresser. I opted for no diaper genie, I think its kind strange, not into the special bags you have to buy and really felt like they were ugly and take up unnecessary space so we have normal garbages that get taken out frequently.

I also think one thing that helps is closed storage. We recently inherited a new piece of furniture and one of the things I love about it is you cannot slide open the cupboards at the same time the drawers are open limiting the amount of stuff the kids can have out. Plus I like multi function pieces (like a coffee table that also stores stuff!). Check it out below to see some of our toy storage! The first picture you can hardly tell that the TV Bench is full of toys and diapers and kid stuff and the trunk coffee table has Duplo all in it. Below I posted some pictures of it all open. I also like that it isn’t super difficult to put any of it away so the kids can do it.

However the toys have still been more challenging to simplify. First, I am not always in control of what comes into the house, many people bring gifts or kids get toys at McDonalds, etc. Second kids love toys and get so much enjoyment out of them its hard to deny them. Finally with three kids at three different stages of play and different maturity levels and interests I feel like we need three different sets of toys! So, with all of this in mind I do a few things to try and keep it all in check

TOYS

  1. I regularly “clean” out the toys. Meaning I go through and anything broken or missing pieces or sometimes a toy that causes a lot of fighting amongst the kids gets thrown out or donated.
  2. We rotate. This idea is one I have been wanting to do but just recently started and it has worked so well, we have a few different bins of toys and we put away some toys so it is not as overwhelming then after a couple of weeks or months I switch out the toys that are in the attic in Rubbermaid’s for some of the toys in the play bins. It is fun to see how excited the kids get thinking they have new toys.
  3. Prior to Birthdays or Christmas I do a huge clean out and either sell, donate or toss toys.
  4. I try to have toys for all levels but also toys that all ages might enjoy. Some examples of the toys all three kids play with are trains, play food and the kitchen, blocks, magnet tiles, books, and Mr.Potato Head. We do watch to make sure that the pieces are not too small for Eleanor but most of this stuff is great for all three and they each play differently but get enjoyment out of them.

Kids clothes and shoes is a whole other area I have struggled but in my Spring Cleaning Frenzy this past week I made good progress on this. The kids had a lot of clothes and shoes and I finally just went through and purged huge. I struggle holding onto a bunch of stuff to pass down from kid to kid. First, the season aren’t always the same size and time for each kid, then there is the fact that each kid is built differently in terms of long/ short torso, thick or thin legs, booty, etc. I mean they are after all different little people. And finally I found I was keeping a ton of stuff and forgetting or not getting around to pulling it out so we would pass by the time one of them could wear it. Plus closest space is limited and I like having current in them not a huge amount of hand me downs that will eventually fit.

CLOTHES & SHOES

I use the same guidelines when cleaning out the kids clothes as I do my own. I start by having four piles.

  • Keep
  • Consign/ Sell
  • Donate
  • Garbage.

Then I just go through and often I get the kids to try on stuff (does it fit), I also try to keep in mind things they love or hate. Both my older two have opinions about what they like. Some fabrics just don’t work for Rowen and Grace is picky just because. I also like to keep in mind ease of wearing and washing. If something is too hard to get on them or if it has special washing instructions it is no good. Finally, I check for stains or holes or damages.

I recently did this with both my kids closets and my own. The kids I imagine got rid of close to 200 pieces, it was a great purge and made me realize I had been hoarding kids stuff and clothes. Then I did my own closet and it was amazing.

I got rid of old maternity undies (granny panties I had bought for in the hospital), old Hanky Panky that were past their prime (don’t let cost deter you from tossing stuff! Just because you spent a lot of money on something doesn’t mean it lasts forever. Everything has an expiration date), lots of maternity stuff like nursing bras and of course clothes that were so badly stretched from 3 years of 3 pregnancies. It did go to show that if you invest in good clothes they sure do last (some of this stuff was old!). At the end of my closet purge I had 67 pieces out of my closet.

This has taken me over a week to go through three kids clothes and toys, plus my own things and all the linens and bathroom stuff. I have finally loaded the last few bags to drop off at the thrift, listed all my Varage sale items and/or dropped off consignment! Now I am hoping to tackle the kitchen and outside storage stuff!

This little purge was started because a girlfriend asked if any of us wanted to take part in a challenge to purge 40 pieces! I got home from holidays ready to de clutter and inspired by a few friends and now there is no stopping me! LOL! I cant believe how good it feels to de clutter. I really believe having less is better for mental clarity, and helps my kids to not be so anxious or overstimulated!

I encourage you to tackle March and every single day for a month clear something out. It can be tangible or not… see how contagious this good feeling of cleansing can be! And let me know any tips or tricks you have for Spring Cleaning at your house.

MIA- Don’t come looking, I want to stay missing forever!

.Reading time 7 minutes.

So, for those who don’t know we decided to finish off our very last baby’s first year earth side with a 30 day vacation to Maui.  The cool thing is my roommate*/ babydate/ common law partner was eligible to take Parental Leave so we decided why not!  Plus 2017 he worked so hard at his paying job and had a record year so we felt a little vacation was exactly what our family could use!

*** Total side note but Fraser and I are yet to be married (he’s been a little lacking in the proposal department) so when we went through the border a long time ago (maybe 4 years ago) and the border guard asked how we knew each other I answered with the first thing that came to my mind, “He’s my roommate”.  At the time we were expecting our first baby and I have never lived down the response, however I also think put a ring on it if you want a different answer!  Anyone else common law and struggle with calling their partner “partner” or “boyfriend”?  Just boyfriend sounds so casual and we are commited, have 3 kids, share finances, responsabilities, life, etc… we are not just casual but I digress!

Obviously taking 3 kids 3 and under on vacation isn’t the relaxing and peaceful break some people enjoy when they are on vacation. I got to say though it ain’t so bad.  We love being someplace warm, our kiddos are water and beach babies (we didn’t even go to the pool until our third day here, LOL!). Plus a break from routine, real life and responsabilities even with kids is still a break.

However for those who don’t have kids you really should enjoy your trips now because once you have kids the trips are completely different  Even just going to the airport is different.  No more lounge and drinks before a flight, you can forget about stopping at the spa for a pedi before take off, reading magazines, watching movies and listening to music for the flight doesn’t happen anymore at least not anything you want to watch… Paw Patrol, Moana and Mickey Mouse Club House aren’t my idea of entertainment, but somehow I got 6 hours of all that:)

I really thought when I envisioned our vacation that I would do so much blogging and totally re-evaluate what I want to do when I get home, what changes we should make this year and what can stay the same… all the new year new attitude kind of stuff that I love. But I think I am a little in need of some time to just enjoy not having to decide or purge or set goals!  That being said one thing that brings me joy is blogging but it isn’t necessarily just the writing. If that was the case I could just journal, its also the interaction I get from all the readers (who happen to be friends, family, fellow mothers and even some fathers, and community members). I love seeing and hearing from people, some who surprise me when they start chatting about my blog.  By far blogging has been such a rewarding thing for me but also has been a great confidence booster and has forced me to put myself out there. I love all that it has done for me.

With that being said I am struggling with a direction to take the blog, I currently do use it a bit as my personal journal and a bit for “business”, oil’s & events mostly. I love doing this but have been struggling with writing because I don’t feel I have a huge vision. So, I am asking my loyal readers for their advice and opinions.

What do you want to hear about?  Obviously my writing is about my own opinions and views so that is most likely going to change it is more the topics I wonder about

So some areas I am wondering what you think are:

  •  Kids- Raising them.  Do you like when I share what we are doing, like blog about my 3 kids and what we do, or do you like product reviews/recommendations. Or maybe you prefer not to hear about my family and kids. We are also in the process of having my son assessed for autism and starting to research schools (mostly private) for Kindergarten, is this something you would be interested in hearing about?
  • Home- pictures and stuff about my house and what we did and are doing?
  • Oils- How to use oils, diffuser recipes, promos, etc
  • Life- do you like it when I am personal or am I over sharing? I feel like often I find inspiration on what I want to write about by what is happening in my life.

Please leave a comment or send me a message if you have any advice on what you like reading about. I might try and do an instagram story but who knows how that will fit in between the beach and the pool I am pretty busy:)

Another way of getting ideas or inspirations is if you send a title of an article you would read! My girlfriend did this and they had such great suggestions, some of which were my most popular posts.

MAHALO