Tag: mom life

Create a life you don’t need a vacation from.

.Reading time 8 minutes.

So in all honesty I have what might appear to some as a fairly relaxing life, but here is thing about relaxation it is different for everyone. I may not have to be at a paying job everyday and that might seem relaxing but I still have commitments and I still have doubts or moments of self doubt.

I am an over thinker and a worrier.

I am a planner and I am an organizer who wants everything to go a certain way.

I also suffer from anxiety and care what other people think even though deep down I don’t think it should matter.

I feel like I hear “Relax Carly” a lot or at least I used to and it never bothered me, I would try all my usual things (rescue remedy spray, yoga, eating properly, drinking water, going to bed early) but I have never felt more relaxed as I do right now. The funny thing is it has taken a little into our vacation to figure this perfect balance between the five of us.

Fraser and I have discussed what can we take from life on vacation and apply to everyday life to keep that relaxed feeling going. We discovered for us the reason we could just let go and have fun was because we didn’t have obligations, and I don’t just mean work I mean activities, school, commitments, social stuff like birthdays and family dinners, even things like cutting the lawn, making sure we went and paid property taxes or utility bills, arranging dentist appointments or cutting the lawn. These things are all obligations and expectations.

On vacation we had no responsibilities. We had to make sure we were fed and kept three tiny humans alive, that’s it. I don’t think we can avoid all commitments and obligations so second best thing is to take small breaks or time outs to relax, or at least this is our plan.

The biggest thing I am learning about relaxation is it looks extremely different to everyone. This is what can be challenging. I feel a lot of what we know or how we relax is learned (mostly from family but I think it could be said it is learned from a young age so anyone who during those years might have had influence on you).

For Fraser relaxing means no rush, no plan, watching TV or staying inside on the couch, etc. For me this can be stressful because we were raised if it was nice you should be outside, there is no reason to have the TV on and that we always had some sort of a plan for the day with a little structure. Sleeping all day or being lazy was rarely a thing we did. So, relaxing to me is still shutting down but it might include a little more structure (like being to the beach by a certain time) or making sure that we are outside everyday if it is nice out.

We both do find relaxation in taking the kids for walks or getting outside for some exercise. Taking time to play and feel no guilt about it. Playing could be jumping on the tramp, building forts or even just tickling and laughing. I really want to make play a priority in our house for all of us.

For our kids relaxing is even different again, all of our kids find the park relaxing Grace is a swing addict. Like could actually swing all day, but likes to be pushed. Rowen on the other hand likes to be chased, he is a kid who seems to really like to be engaged and kept busy physically. Eleanor is hard to tell yet but I think her most relaxed is being held. If you are calm and just hold her she is so happy and relaxed. Rowen and Grace seem very relaxed with TV Row even more so than Grace (I really dislike this and try to fight it). However what I am learning is if Rowen and Fraser tried to take away my books, writing, time at the spa or time at the beach I wouldn’t like it. So, if TV is one of their ways to relax and shut down then I need to appreciate that. I know it is hard for Fraser to understand how reading or even painting with the kids is relaxing, but I don’t understand how watching you tube is relaxing but that doesn’t mean we both shouldn’t do these things.

I think the biggest thing is to realize that a little relaxation can restart and reset the tone for your whole family. It is not reasonable to think you can just keep taking vacations to escape reality (I would know, I tried to convince Fraser of this plan!). It is however reasonable to find ways to incorporate relaxation or down time. For me that means locking the bathroom door and just taking a 10 minute shower, or putting the kids in the car and going for a bit of a drive or getting outside, going outside to the park or the beach or even the backyard. The dishes and laundry ain’t going anywhere! So I watch for signs that any of us need a little break and then we act on it.

I encourage all of you to take time to relax, give yourself permission and don’t feel guilty. And try not to judge or be mad at your spouse when he or she takes down time. It’s in everyone’s best interest that we do this! This may not look like the spa or yoga it might be zoning out in a garage and listening to music really loud, or playing video games or just lounging and watching you tube. Whatever it looks like make sure you take time to do it;)

I hope you all get to laugh more and take time out to play without guilt.

Simplify your stuff.

.Reading time 11 minutes.

I don’t know what it is but I can’t handle clutter… it has progressively gotten worse as I have gotten older and the funny thing is Fraser is kinda the opposite. I want everything to have a purpose and a place and if it doesn’t, or we are keeping it for sentimental, or potentially one day we might need to use it reasons, then I want it gone. Fraser on the other hand is king of saving and collecting, he is very sentimental and holds on to anything that could potentially serve a purpose ever! It is a constant battle! And sometimes he is right or things he has insisted we keep come in handy but most times I feel better with less.

Now having kids has brought on a whole new set of challenges in regards to stuff… Kids have stuff and they like stuff and they even make stuff. All their little art projects and tiny McDonalds toys and potty’s, change tables, diaper genies and play kitchens, etc. If you have kids you know what I am talking about, if you don’t have kids you might be like I used to be and think “if I ever” or “when I have kids”, it will be different, we won’t have all that stuff. Maybe you won’t but I bet you will!

I have worked hard at not giving in to too much stuff. We don’t have a dedicated change table but instead a regular dresser that we put the little change pad on top of so when diapers are finally over we can just get rid of the pad and still have a dresser. I opted for no diaper genie, I think its kind strange, not into the special bags you have to buy and really felt like they were ugly and take up unnecessary space so we have normal garbages that get taken out frequently.

I also think one thing that helps is closed storage. We recently inherited a new piece of furniture and one of the things I love about it is you cannot slide open the cupboards at the same time the drawers are open limiting the amount of stuff the kids can have out. Plus I like multi function pieces (like a coffee table that also stores stuff!). Check it out below to see some of our toy storage! The first picture you can hardly tell that the TV Bench is full of toys and diapers and kid stuff and the trunk coffee table has Duplo all in it. Below I posted some pictures of it all open. I also like that it isn’t super difficult to put any of it away so the kids can do it.

However the toys have still been more challenging to simplify. First, I am not always in control of what comes into the house, many people bring gifts or kids get toys at McDonalds, etc. Second kids love toys and get so much enjoyment out of them its hard to deny them. Finally with three kids at three different stages of play and different maturity levels and interests I feel like we need three different sets of toys! So, with all of this in mind I do a few things to try and keep it all in check

TOYS

  1. I regularly “clean” out the toys. Meaning I go through and anything broken or missing pieces or sometimes a toy that causes a lot of fighting amongst the kids gets thrown out or donated.
  2. We rotate. This idea is one I have been wanting to do but just recently started and it has worked so well, we have a few different bins of toys and we put away some toys so it is not as overwhelming then after a couple of weeks or months I switch out the toys that are in the attic in Rubbermaid’s for some of the toys in the play bins. It is fun to see how excited the kids get thinking they have new toys.
  3. Prior to Birthdays or Christmas I do a huge clean out and either sell, donate or toss toys.
  4. I try to have toys for all levels but also toys that all ages might enjoy. Some examples of the toys all three kids play with are trains, play food and the kitchen, blocks, magnet tiles, books, and Mr.Potato Head. We do watch to make sure that the pieces are not too small for Eleanor but most of this stuff is great for all three and they each play differently but get enjoyment out of them.

Kids clothes and shoes is a whole other area I have struggled but in my Spring Cleaning Frenzy this past week I made good progress on this. The kids had a lot of clothes and shoes and I finally just went through and purged huge. I struggle holding onto a bunch of stuff to pass down from kid to kid. First, the season aren’t always the same size and time for each kid, then there is the fact that each kid is built differently in terms of long/ short torso, thick or thin legs, booty, etc. I mean they are after all different little people. And finally I found I was keeping a ton of stuff and forgetting or not getting around to pulling it out so we would pass by the time one of them could wear it. Plus closest space is limited and I like having current in them not a huge amount of hand me downs that will eventually fit.

CLOTHES & SHOES

I use the same guidelines when cleaning out the kids clothes as I do my own. I start by having four piles.

  • Keep
  • Consign/ Sell
  • Donate
  • Garbage.

Then I just go through and often I get the kids to try on stuff (does it fit), I also try to keep in mind things they love or hate. Both my older two have opinions about what they like. Some fabrics just don’t work for Rowen and Grace is picky just because. I also like to keep in mind ease of wearing and washing. If something is too hard to get on them or if it has special washing instructions it is no good. Finally, I check for stains or holes or damages.

I recently did this with both my kids closets and my own. The kids I imagine got rid of close to 200 pieces, it was a great purge and made me realize I had been hoarding kids stuff and clothes. Then I did my own closet and it was amazing.

I got rid of old maternity undies (granny panties I had bought for in the hospital), old Hanky Panky that were past their prime (don’t let cost deter you from tossing stuff! Just because you spent a lot of money on something doesn’t mean it lasts forever. Everything has an expiration date), lots of maternity stuff like nursing bras and of course clothes that were so badly stretched from 3 years of 3 pregnancies. It did go to show that if you invest in good clothes they sure do last (some of this stuff was old!). At the end of my closet purge I had 67 pieces out of my closet.

This has taken me over a week to go through three kids clothes and toys, plus my own things and all the linens and bathroom stuff. I have finally loaded the last few bags to drop off at the thrift, listed all my Varage sale items and/or dropped off consignment! Now I am hoping to tackle the kitchen and outside storage stuff!

This little purge was started because a girlfriend asked if any of us wanted to take part in a challenge to purge 40 pieces! I got home from holidays ready to de clutter and inspired by a few friends and now there is no stopping me! LOL! I cant believe how good it feels to de clutter. I really believe having less is better for mental clarity, and helps my kids to not be so anxious or overstimulated!

I encourage you to tackle March and every single day for a month clear something out. It can be tangible or not… see how contagious this good feeling of cleansing can be! And let me know any tips or tricks you have for Spring Cleaning at your house.

A is for Amazing (and Autism)

.Reading time 20 minutes.

My son is pretty Amazing. He is one of the most caring, thoughtful and sensitive little boys I know. I like to think all his great qualities came from me but I see so much of his Dad in him that I might not be able to take all the credit (most of it).

What three year old cries at movies, kisses his baby sister every morning and shares his favourite ice cream with his mama? He also loves to play pretend, is pretty good at being a dinosaur, loves to play lego, trains, read books, play play dough and to paint. He is an artist and isn’t afraid of getting a little dirty to create. Plus he is fearless in the water and seems to have found his second home at the pool. I couldn’t be more proud or in love with a boy than I am with my son. Besides being amazing he is also our first child.

So, as many parents would know, first borns are pretty special (at least that’s what Fraser and I, both eldest children, believe). Not only do they make us parents but they open our eyes and minds to a whole new way of thinking. For us Rowen has taught us patience, kindness, humility, to ask for help and so much more! He is my first at everything. First to crawl, walk and speak as well as the first to say “I love you mom” and a million other things. However being the first born also means we have never done this before and do not know what to expect or what is “normal” for each age, they are the practice child… lol!

From the beginning Rowen was very “easy”, however as he got older things became a little more challenging. Preschool is when we really started to notice some differences from some of his peers. I of course had my own set of concerns, raising a child was new to me, a boy was especially different (I grew up with 2 sisters and a single mom) and I wasn’t sure if some of my concerns were “terrible twos”, or just “a boy being a boy” or if there was more.

I did go to his paediatrician to express some concerns. After a little bit of research and some recommendations from friends I was working on getting Rowen a developmental assessment. I am not even sure I knew what it meant or if he needed it but it sounded like a good idea. Plus I had no idea what was going on with him I just felt like he was different than the “typical” toddler. Really what’s typical for a three year old?

Then the preschool called me in for a meeting and started to list a bunch of observations they had made and to ask if I would be open to Row having a one on one worker in the classroom I was a mess of mixed emotions. I was a little surprised, mostly relieved that I wasn’t being over the top with my concerns and I was so happy to hear them have a couple solutions to help make Rowens school more enjoyable for him. The idea of a one on one worker was amazing to us, it didn’t cost us a thing and meant he would have someone with him the whole time. It was surprising to me that any parent would say no or be upset at this amazing offering, but I guess not everyone shares the viewpoint of this being a gift.

The one thing I can confidently say is we are so impressed with our medical system as well as our preschool. We didn’t do a ton of preschool research but our main requirement was that it was a play based school. At the time, when we started thinking about preschool, we felt Rowen was no where near ready for any sort of academic learning or structured preschool. The only learning we felt was important was how to interact and play with kids and how to go to school, listen to another person besides us, take turns, share, clean up, snack independently, etc. I am so happy we took a a few friends recommendations and choose Reach. Not only were they super caring and empathetic when it came to our tough introduction to preschool (lets just say Rowen wasn’t excited about going to school). They also were so thoughtful and considerate when it came time to discuss the concerns they had about Rowen. I felt like it must be the most difficult job telling a parent their perfect child has been struggling especially if a parent isn’t ready to hear it but they have been only positive and supportive through the whole thing and I believe they are so much a part of all the successes we have had and will have with Rowen.

Rowens biggest area of concern are around communication and socialization. This was probably the hardest on me because I pride myself on having good and open communication but I also think our family is extremely social and that Fraser and I were extremely social. This was not surprising but always upsetting to hear that your child is acting differently than you had envisioned. I always expected our son to be outgoing and actively involved in lots of activities at school which is very much NOT the type of person Rowen is. This was hard for me to understand and accept. I had to mourn the ideas I had for my son and learn to love the son I have (that part was easy! He is super lovable). It’s not to say there are not times I hear of someone doing something with their toddler and think I wish I could do that with Rowen but I am better at adjusting my expectations and planning more appropriate activities and outings that I know he will love.

So, basically after hearing the teachers concerns and knowing my own I made a follow up appointment with the paediatrician, this time it was a full developmental check appointment. She was great, she went over lots of questions and listened to my concerns as well as the comments the preschool had. I honestly had expected her to have maybe a few small suggestions and say he is only 3 and that some of these things will just take time for him to outgrow. Instead she asked if I had ever considered he may have Autism. I was seriously shocked. The first appointment she asked and I said definitely not, as he appears so “typical”. But really what did I know about Autism and how it looks? After she explained that the main two areas people notice deficits with Autism are social and communication I did agree why she would think this could be it. I left the appointment with the plan to have an assessment done, which was essentially what I had wanted all along but now I was kinda in shock.

I quickly went in to see his preschool teachers and let them know about the paediatricians suspicions. Teachers were great, absolutely not surprised and agreed this was a smart plan. Again, I was very surprised but felt confident in my medical and educational professionals who have a lot more experience than I do.

Now it was our time to make some decisions. Should we wait for an assessment through the public system (guessing it is about a year but could be longer) or were we interested in private testing. I had left the paediatricians office asking for whatever was fastest and they put in the referrals for both (I guess I should discuss with the person in our house who has a job but it seemed like an easy decision to me).

When we actually went in to the private practice for our consultation (we went to Monarch House but there are lots of good private options) I was so impressed and sold on a private assessment. Here are my reasons:

  • Today is February 25th and we have finished our assessments (like seen all three professionals; speech and language, psychologist and paediatrician) and are still waiting for confirmation that paperwork is complete and we have been added to the public wait list. And part of the reason the private assessment took until now is because we were away for 5 weeks, otherwise this would have been finished by the end of January. So we are essentially finished our private assessment faster than we could even be put on the wait list for public. This is insane to me for many reasons.
  • To get funding and fast tracked for help we need a diagnosis (or it certainly helps). Also, the funding is higher before a child turns 6 so if we waited a year for a diagnosis we loose a year of funding, the private assessment costs $3,500 but the year of funding we will now get is $22,000 so easy math says spend the $3,500 and get $18,500. Obviously every family is different but in our case we are waiting to see an OT and Speech, both privately because it was faster, and we would be paying out of pocket for these. Just the OT I was anticipating to be about $500 a month minimum (once a week, $120 a hour). Now all of this can be paid for by our funding! At best guess we would have spent that $3500 easily within 5 months of seeing SLP and OT.
  • I am impatient. I want answers now, it is our child and even on trivial things I don’t like to wait, I certainly wasn’t interested in waiting when it was something so important. I react, I do not take time to digest… everyone is different in this way and some people like to wait because it takes them that long to digest this information and prepare.
  • Early intervention is known to be extremely effective. In a lot of cases the earlier the better the results, Rowen is extremely high functioning and on the very low end of the spectrum so we are hopeful to get lots of support now and set him up for as much success as possible by the time grade school starts. Up until now we are on some public and private wait lists including at school for a one on one worker but I believe now he should get one almost immediately. This is really going to help us get on track for help.

I don’t want Rowen to think he’s different from any of our other kids because he isn’t, they are all different and all special. This doesn’t change anything about the way we treat our kids because they for the most part are all treated the same or we have the same expectations in terms of values but it helps us to understand when he is struggling or having a tough time and it gives us help we have needed but didn’t know how to get.

It has also been big for us because we now know that Rowen most likely has ADHD and possibly anxiety (typically diagnosed at an older age). ADHD usually means that the child might act 1-2 years younger in maturity, this is huge for us in decided whether to hold him back a year for school. Also on top of some of the challenges we have had with Row, he is also one of the youngest of his class with a late birthday (November 21) and he is a boy (which means also a little slower to mature). All of this information is so helpful when we think of our expectations for him and our decisions with regards to schools and where to go, when to start kindergarten, signing up for team sports and other organized activities, etc. I just recently learnt that when it comes to public schools they no longer hold children back, in my mind and based on one recommendation I had thought we would do kindergarten and then possibly just redo another year if needed. Public funding is tight for education and regardless of what is in the best interest of the child each child gets one year in each grade, no redos! However if we choose private, then we could do Kindergarten twice, I am not a fan of the all day kindergarten and so this means I could even just do the first year of kindergarten go for half days and then gradually build up to full. We just really want to make the best choices for Rowen and help him to be successful. I really feel like we are totally on track to doing this and doing it fairly well (obviously it will come with challenges and emotions) for a couple of rookie parents!

I really am feeling beyond blessed right now that we have the luxury of flexibility and time. Fraser is just coming off of 8 weeks of paternity leave and I stay at home with the kids. On top of that his job is very flexible with time off and allows us the ability to often both be at appointments or to take last minute cancellation appointments easily. Plus we get to spend a lot of time with our kids! Not only that we are fortunate to have been able to afford some of the private stuff for Rowen and had the luxury of choosing how we want to proceed, I am aware that not all families are as fortunate as us or are possibly in different positions that make things a little more complicated. For all of these things I am so grateful.

Rowen will be getting his official Autism diagnosis within the next two weeks and then the planning will start to happen with our family. We are excited to build a team of support for him and for us that I know is going to make life a little easier around here and I cannot wait! We are all about being proactive and setting up our kids for success whatever that might look like!

So, if you have any ideas, recommendations, questions please let me know craeplain@gmail.com. Thanks for listening and taking interest in our family.

Want to leave you with a thought my girlfriend reminded me of the other day, that we set expectations for our kids that we don’t even expect of ourselves. Kids are human, sometimes they won’t have perfect manners, sometimes they have bad days, sometimes they feel so much emotion and show it inappropriately but so do we… so next time you find yourself judging try to think of that. I know I am going to try really hard to do this!

Everyday is Family Day!

.Reading time 6 minutes.

For those who don’t live in BC yesterday was Family Day… and since we are nearing the end to almost 5 weeks in Maui we missed it but celebrated it here on the island with our little Fam Jam! So, I am a day late writing because we were busy playing and having fun as a family.

Families are funny… the traditional definition of a family is pertaining to a blood relative or biological relation, descendants. Now I would say this is not always or even often the case. So many people are adopted, estranged, divorced, part of a mixed family (with step and half siblings and parents). I mean the dynamics can range. I am no stranger to this type of family as we were raised by a single mom, I have zero relationship with my dad and our family has a non-traditional dynamic. For example my moms best friend and sister by choice is my dads biological sister and you could technically say I have 3 siblings and 5 step siblings (my moms boyfriend has 5 kids), but I would tell you I have 3 sisters not 8 siblings:)

Since having my own kids and starting my own family I have come to have a different appreciation for how important family is, what our family values are and how we will hopefully instil them in our kids and also who we choose to play important roles in our kids lives.

We really want to raise our kids with Honesty, Respect and Fun being our biggest family values. I also hope that they grow up close and stay good friends. If Rowen, Grace & Eleanor can always be each other’s biggest supporters, and try not to judge but just have each other’s back then we will have done our most important job and have succeeded as the type of parents we want to be. Obviously we have no control and siblings grow up with all sorts of different relationships, I feel very grateful for the two sisters I have to play such important roles in all of our lives and for me to have such good relationships with them. That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard work and takes effort on both sides. Plus the three of us couldn’t be more different but I think we share a few core values that help us to connect even when we don’t see eye to eye.

Our kids are so blessed, just like both Fraser and I were, with living Great Grandparents (they have 6) and a young large local family. That doesn’t mean we have a perfect set up or are without family drama. Raising kids is one of the craziest, humbling, eye opening and life changing things I have ever done. It changed our world for the better and really gave us perspective over what mattered and what is important in our lives. That being said it came with it’s own set of challenges and has been a big learning curve with lots of difficult choices and decisions.

My children are lucky to have two parents who love and respect each other and we hope to raise them with a traditional family dynamic. However it’s not all traditional as they have over 10 pseudo Aunties , girlfriends who play such important roles in my life and now my children’s lives it would be insulting to think of them as anything less than family. This is just one example. We have so many friends that have been there for us when we needed them most and who show up in good or bad times. These friends are the family we want to have in our lives for as long as possible and are the reason we feel so grateful.

So yesterday when we played and enjoyed our three healthy and happy kids, we also were celebrating my being a part of a huge extended family that I couldn’t be more proud or privileged to call Family. Although we have had such an amazing vacation and could happily stay for a lot longer, the one thing that has been missing is our extended family… we were very lucky to have a couple friends, some great grandparents and aunts and uncles, NAN and Auntie Monica (GAG) all come and visit us on Maui we are excited to come home and see those who weren’t here in paradise. I know the kids ask everyday for Sadie & Addie (their cousins), and that is just one sign that we are raising the kids with good family values.

HAPPY FAMILY DAY (even if I am a day late) because for me it isn’t just one day a year that I celebrate my family but hopefully everyday:)

HELP… This Parenting Gig is Tough!

.Reading time 8 minutes.

So this vacation has been amazingly good for our parenting egos, basically whenever we go out as the whole family we get at least one if not many compliments. Some are just about appearances “Oh look, they are so cute”, some are more surface/conversational “you’ve got your hands full”, but the best are “wow your kids are so well behaved”, “you guys make it look easy, we are struggling with one”, and many more.

It’s interesting because when I look around there are lots of families walking with babies or just one kid and it does look easy. The parent to child ratio is great 2:1 but then I look at our circus and the kids are becoming such great friends, they are learning how to play with each other and more than that they are learning life skills like sharing, compromise and empathy. When I see Grace stop to help Rowen or Row check on Eleanor to give her a bottle and a blanket, there is nothing else like it. It reminds me when the challenging times come that we made the choice to have 3 kids and that despite the challenges there are way more good times than difficult. Plus not all moments are challenging some days we attempt something and the kids are all in the right mood and somehow we have this incredible day that even I want to give ourselves a little pat on the back.

That being said we are really struggling with discipline and follow through, I am looking for any ideas that have worked with your family. I think the hardest thing right now is finding age appropriate discipline, basically we have Rowen (3), Grace (2) and Eleanor (10 months). Oh and the struggle with being outnumbered by our kids. We don’t have enough hands to catch all of our rascals when they start running away! Or have your tried going to the pool with 3 kids 3 and under (it’s terrifying).

We are working hard on being proactive. So for example in anticipation of being near a pool and ocean for a good chunk of time we invested in quality swimming lessons and both kids wear their swim belts while swimming (supervised). We also don’t go certain places or plan around when we will have less kids or even bribe them with food. Like we had to go to Costco to do a big shop but we bought them fries and they ate in the shopping cart while we did all our groceries. May be this is bribery and not teaching them how to behave in a grocery store or maybe its genius. I do not know, but what I do know is it is what works and what has been helping us get by:)

However there are some areas we are struggling.

The one challenge I faced today is Grace learning how to share or learning patience to wait. Eleanor was napping so I took Grace and Rowen with their new balls across the street to the park. Kids have given up naps although we are finding they need them while vacationing (who doesn’t!). They love the swings and both still want to be in a baby swing. Well this particular park only has two baby swings and I let another family use one so my two kids had to share. Rowen was fantastic and patiently waited his turn but Princess Grace lost it when her turn was up. She arched her back, screamed like she was being attacked and let the waterworks fly. At which point I made the decision to follow through with my promise and bring both kids home, no more park or swinging. The same situation had happened last night when all the swings were taken and Grace could not grasp why “her” swings weren’t available.

How do you reason or explain to a two year old about sharing and waiting. My latest attempt is they are told the rules before, ie if you cannot share when we get to the swings and do not listen we will go home. Then usually what ends up happening is we have to pack up and go home. I am hoping after a few consistent times it will help break this behaviour but so far I don’t know if the kids even notice what is happening.

With Rowen it is whole other issue we are dealing with, LISTENING. His example was at the pool yesterday when he was told to stop throwing his toy out of the pool and he didn’t listen. He was given multiple opportunities to stop and many chances to stay but he continued so we just scooped him out and left the pool. This happens all day long in terms of taking toys from people, not keeping our hands to our selves, and just general annoying bickering between siblings.

The things I have learnt that do work include adjusting my expectations and setting us up for success.

Example is if I know they are tired I don’t expect the same out of them. We try to go for a nap or plan activities I know won’t cause arguments. Another example is if I want to go somewhere with them I try to plan it at a good time. Taking them in the morning while they are typically a little happier and more agreeable.

Expectations include things like ordering take out and hitting up the park instead of trying to go to a restaurant and then taking away a park play because they behaved badly.

Sometimes these things are hard to do because they aren’t what I want to do or they are inconvenient. But I know in the long run it will be more than worth it. I do know one thing though. We were in Maui last year at the same time with just Rowen and Grace who were just 2 and 1 at the time. This year we have been able to relax a little more and enjoy the beach and the pool more with them as well as some new activities and even eat out a bit. So, with this in mind I realize as the kids get older some things will hopefully become easier.

Have you had similar struggles with 2 and 3 year olds? Do any of my struggles sound familiar? Did you find anything that worked with your family? Would love to hear from you:)

“You must learn to master a new way to think before you can master a new way to be. “ – Marianne Williamson

.Reading time 12 minutes.

This quote is kinda exactly how I feel today. It’s funny because I was always searching for a way to relax a little, let go of stuff that isn’t really important, appreciate what I have instead of striving for more or better and to try and live more in the now instead of dwelling on the past and stressing about the future. Insert having kids, did I mention 3 kids in 3 years… and this is truly what has happened.

Kids change everything, at least they did for me, even the way I think. Instead of having time to overthink and worry and pick apart everything I am learning to master a new way of thinking which includes:

– Breathing. When I am feeling tense or stressed take a few deep breathes

– Living in the chaos. It’s okay if the floor is dirty, laundry doesn’t get done today, my mouldings aren’t wiped down, etc… Embrace it, life with small kids is chaotic so if they ended up “helping” with cleaning the floors and now they look even worse, it’s okay! This has been a hard change for me, but we are working on finding compromise in this area. Over Christmas we had a cleaner come in twice, knowing I would be distracted by mess but Christmas is busy and we were hosting a few events. It is harder to let go of organization when we are entertaining so it was a good plan. This simple thing helped me to be able to enjoy the moments and just sit back and entertain instead of worry about the mess! Sometimes living in the chaos also means accepting when I need help and hiring or asking for it. Easier said then done but I am trying.

– Humble & Grateful. I am really trying to remember that we are fortunate and to be aware and conscious of that. I do believe we work hard and make choices but I also know to be grateful that we live in the country we live in, have the family and friends we have, the list is really endless and I just want to always remember to be grateful for all that we have that has helped us to be able to live the life and lifestyle we do, not just our hard work and choices (although they do play a role in it).

– Live in the moment. This is a huge one for me. I am not sure if it has been aging and seeing friends or peers suffer (either loosing parents, becoming ill, or even loosing peers and friends), some are even strangers that you hear about in the news but that resemble us a little to closely and leave me feeling that could have been us. Or if it has been having kids and realizing you want to be there for them forever (or at least a really long time). But I am really trying to live in the moment with and for my kids. I want them to have amazing memories of us and all the things we did together or the way we listened and were there for them. I would hate to look back 20 years from now and regret not living in those moments. So, it is maybe one of my hardest changes of thinking but I am making an effort to do it! It is also amazing to me how much our kids admire and love us right now, I don’t want to miss this time where Fraser and I are their everything’s because one day, probably sooner than I can imagine, that will change.

It’s so funny because every since I changed my way of looking and thinking about things I am different. My whole body is different. I am physically less tense, my body feels better, my mind is less stressed, I don’t have headaches, it is amazing the things that can change. I feel like I am open and people can feel it. I am attracting just a bunch of good things! Friends, money, even with my kids and in all my relationships. It is amazing how powerful the mind is, and to think it was there all along.

For me a lot of my new way of thinking is around asking myself “Why Not?”, or “What’s the worst that could happen?”

I have always been a bit of a dreamer and have a tendency to set unrealistic expectations. Here is the thing I am learning, still dream but come up with ways to make them my reality. SO “why not” or “what’s the worst that could happen” help determine if I should try something.

Take for example last year when Fraser and I did a renovation and a 10 day holiday to Hawaii with two kids under 2 and while I was pregnant with our third (some might call this crazy). We sat on the beach last year and talked about what it would be like to just come and stay in Hawaii for a month, fast forward a year and we made it happen. It wasn’t luck or even digging ourselves into a ton of debt with no thought to the future. It was making choices through out the year that lead us to being able to make this work, as well as a little prioritizing what mattered to us. We missed a good childhood friend of mines wedding in Mexico in November because we couldn’t do both, and that’s just one example of the compromises we made. Obviously for us the overall goal was to have quality time as a family and also some R&R.

R&R Rest & Relaxation… this is funny, so we are on vacation with a 3 year old boy who has lots of energy and is in the early stages of getting an Autism diagnosis (meaning we are learning how to help him with certain issues we have been having), a 2 year old daughter who has an attitude of a 16 year old and a temper like no other and of course our 10 month old teething babe who is crawling but not walking yet:) Some might wonder how we would possibly think this could be restful or relaxing. And old me would have agreed, all children are still in diapers and when we left home no child was sleeping through the night. But with a little shift of our thinking you can change your whole outlook on something. Instead of wishing we were going without our kids, or that our kids were older (out of diapers, sleeping through the night) I have been focusing on the positives or looking for wins as they happen, and boy have they been happening.

First, I was a little concerned about the airport (we were bringing a lot of child related equipment and I never know how my kids will behave). I am happy to say we handled the luggage and equipment so easily and that the kids were amazing. So much so that we had compliments from other passengers! I call this a parenting win and a great way to start off. It also helps to adjust your way of thinking because any doubts you had are pushed aside.

Now we are just enjoying having no schedule, making sure kids are happy and fed, well rested, etc. This is relaxing because at home we sometimes skipped meals, or were too busy rushing to get to something that we missed a nap or couldn’t sleep in after a bad night because we had to be somewhere. Commitments and schedules can be stressful and have an impact on me for sure which in turn impacts our whole families attitudes and outlook. I’m really going to work on slowing down at home and trying to bring this more relaxed way of dealing with our kids home with me. It is obviously different in a home environment but I think we can take some of it with us when we go home!

I guess what I have learnt is rest and relaxation doesn’t have to look like massages and days at the spa, relaxing and reading on the beach and sunsets from the lanai with wine in hand. Instead it can be a quick pedicure while the kids are taking a break with dad from the sun, an hour escape down to the beach with my book or even just sitting with Eleanor watching the other two play in the sand, and nothing beats a sunset view with all kids happily playing (plus you can still have wine!). Things evolve and what I am finding out is they are for the better. My biggest fear is to stay the same, so why not embrace change in every aspect and see what comes with it. For now I am going to enjoy the stage of life we are at… busy, chaotic, messy and all!

MIA- Don’t come looking, I want to stay missing forever!

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So, for those who don’t know we decided to finish off our very last baby’s first year earth side with a 30 day vacation to Maui.  The cool thing is my roommate*/ babydate/ common law partner was eligible to take Parental Leave so we decided why not!  Plus 2017 he worked so hard at his paying job and had a record year so we felt a little vacation was exactly what our family could use!

*** Total side note but Fraser and I are yet to be married (he’s been a little lacking in the proposal department) so when we went through the border a long time ago (maybe 4 years ago) and the border guard asked how we knew each other I answered with the first thing that came to my mind, “He’s my roommate”.  At the time we were expecting our first baby and I have never lived down the response, however I also think put a ring on it if you want a different answer!  Anyone else common law and struggle with calling their partner “partner” or “boyfriend”?  Just boyfriend sounds so casual and we are commited, have 3 kids, share finances, responsabilities, life, etc… we are not just casual but I digress!

Obviously taking 3 kids 3 and under on vacation isn’t the relaxing and peaceful break some people enjoy when they are on vacation. I got to say though it ain’t so bad.  We love being someplace warm, our kiddos are water and beach babies (we didn’t even go to the pool until our third day here, LOL!). Plus a break from routine, real life and responsabilities even with kids is still a break.

However for those who don’t have kids you really should enjoy your trips now because once you have kids the trips are completely different  Even just going to the airport is different.  No more lounge and drinks before a flight, you can forget about stopping at the spa for a pedi before take off, reading magazines, watching movies and listening to music for the flight doesn’t happen anymore at least not anything you want to watch… Paw Patrol, Moana and Mickey Mouse Club House aren’t my idea of entertainment, but somehow I got 6 hours of all that:)

I really thought when I envisioned our vacation that I would do so much blogging and totally re-evaluate what I want to do when I get home, what changes we should make this year and what can stay the same… all the new year new attitude kind of stuff that I love. But I think I am a little in need of some time to just enjoy not having to decide or purge or set goals!  That being said one thing that brings me joy is blogging but it isn’t necessarily just the writing. If that was the case I could just journal, its also the interaction I get from all the readers (who happen to be friends, family, fellow mothers and even some fathers, and community members). I love seeing and hearing from people, some who surprise me when they start chatting about my blog.  By far blogging has been such a rewarding thing for me but also has been a great confidence booster and has forced me to put myself out there. I love all that it has done for me.

With that being said I am struggling with a direction to take the blog, I currently do use it a bit as my personal journal and a bit for “business”, oil’s & events mostly. I love doing this but have been struggling with writing because I don’t feel I have a huge vision. So, I am asking my loyal readers for their advice and opinions.

What do you want to hear about?  Obviously my writing is about my own opinions and views so that is most likely going to change it is more the topics I wonder about

So some areas I am wondering what you think are:

  •  Kids- Raising them.  Do you like when I share what we are doing, like blog about my 3 kids and what we do, or do you like product reviews/recommendations. Or maybe you prefer not to hear about my family and kids. We are also in the process of having my son assessed for autism and starting to research schools (mostly private) for Kindergarten, is this something you would be interested in hearing about?
  • Home- pictures and stuff about my house and what we did and are doing?
  • Oils- How to use oils, diffuser recipes, promos, etc
  • Life- do you like it when I am personal or am I over sharing? I feel like often I find inspiration on what I want to write about by what is happening in my life.

Please leave a comment or send me a message if you have any advice on what you like reading about. I might try and do an instagram story but who knows how that will fit in between the beach and the pool I am pretty busy:)

Another way of getting ideas or inspirations is if you send a title of an article you would read! My girlfriend did this and they had such great suggestions, some of which were my most popular posts.

MAHALO

Resolutions or Reflections???

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New Years are like Birthdays to me. A perfect time reflect on how the last year has been and what I want from the upcoming year.

I typically love reflecting, and maybe it has to with the fact that as I get older I feel like each year gets better and better. I am more comfortable and confident and my relationships deepen and my life seems to get more meaningful as I gain wisdom and experience.

Obviously there is the sad stuff and the odd year that is tougher than most, as people get older there are losses or sometimes with those way to young to be gone. There are moments that forever change you or experiences that change your perspective and make you re-evaluate what’s important.

So, 2017 was a big year for us as a family and for me personally. We finished our first Reno and moved into a new space to start off the year, we took our first family vacation to Maui and loved spending time with our kids just chillin’ at the beach and enjoying paradise. Fraser had a record year for work and I managed to start my blog (work in progress for sure but pretty excited to get it up and going). In addition I co-hosted our first annual Christmas Market at the Farm, as well as my first annual Girlfriends long table dinner and I started selling doTerra Oils which has been a huge learning experience and has challenged me to get back into selling but also to start to venture out and meet new people. It has been the year we completed our little family and welcomed our last baby, Eleanor, into our family. We celebrated two weddings, one family members and one close friends. Our oldest son started preschool and we have started the process of having him privately assessed for Autism (in addition to ADHD, Anxiety and ODD). It was the year we survived having 3 kids under the age of 3 and I like to think we did better than survive it. We also developed some new healthy habits this year which included a new eating plan and started to do a lot more intentional exercise (thank you to The Studio). 2017 didn’t come without it’s challenges and disappointments as well as sadness but we feel extremely blessed and definitely think our good outweighed our bad this year!

With all that being said I am super excited to welcome 2018 and see what it has in store for our little family! We are starting it off with Fraser taking 7 weeks paternity leave, 4 of which we are spending in Maui! During those 4 weeks we will be overlapping vacations with my Grandma, Great Aunt & Uncle, my Aunt & Uncle (as well as 4 other couples that are family friends), one of our best friends and her husband and kids as well as their whole extended family and my mom and two of her really good friends… just to name a few. I would say this is a GREAT start to 2018. We are definitely not worried about the January blues or after Christmas dumps, but in fact I am worried we are starting off the year so well how will we be able to continue the momentum. That being said I have a few goals for this year…

I’m not super big on Resolutions, mainly because I feel like I make unreasonable ones and they are super generic and no one follows through. So, instead I have made some goals for me personally as well as a few family or house goals. We make goals all the time but I find a new year is the perfect excuse and time to just re-evaluate and write down what you want.

So here goes some of my goals for 2018, I am hoping by sharing them I hold myself a little more accountable.

– Set aside time just for family. No TV, phone, etc

– Sleep with my phone in a different room.

– Take bold risks, do stuff even if it scares me and put myself out there. (Specifically with my blog, oils, etc)

– Make me a priority. Set aside time for things I do solo (without Fraser and the kids).

– Work on getting Rowens assessment finished and put together a support system to get him prepared for grade school.

– Get a budget in place and decide what our financial goals are for 2018 (are we saving, doing any home improvements, trip planning, plan any big purchases, etc).

– Find an exercise regime that is realistic and that I can commit to.

– Clean eating at home, cook most meals (meal plan) and avoid refined sugars.

– Drink more water.

I feel like I have a million things on the go, and that my list is a bit ambitious. However I also feel that it is doable and all areas that I want to work on. I am excited for a lot of these goals and have already started to get working on my list. Let’s hope the motivation continues beyond January and I can keep the momentum going.

What resolutions or goals do you have for the New Year?

Siblings by chance, friends by choice…

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Today was one of those unusual days. Grace was extra loving towards both her older brother and younger sister and the kids were just extra cute towards each other. We intentionally had our kids within 3 years of each other (Rowen and Grace being just 13 months apart and Grace and Eleanor a big 15 months apart). This was important to me because I felt the closer the age often the more in common you have with your siblings and the easier it is to have a closer relationship. Obviously everyone has different experiences and beliefs but I just wanted to give the kids any and every chance at having a close sibling relationship.

I have a son so my girls have an older brother which is a new dynamic for me and I love it but there is nothing like having daughters and girls having sisters. I am not saying it is better or my favourite it is just different. Sisters are built in protectors, can give advice, help widen your circle of friends. That being said I am a believer that not all sisters all blood related. My mom lost her sister to Cancer but still has an ex-sister in law that most people just assume is her biological sister. I love this, it means my mom has a bond with her “sister” (different from her relationship with her brother). Not better just different. I like to hope that all women have another women that they would consider like a sister, we can all use that!

You might not know this about me but I am the oldest of three girls. We are the Plain sisters (but I like to think we are far from Plain).

So, growing up with three sisters, fairly close in age, some could say was interesting. We are three very different personalities and three very different strengths and challenges. Now at 33, 31 and 30 years old, two of us have daughters of our own and the third sister is getting married this summer, but at the end of the day we are always there for each other.

I am the oldest, the protector, the defender, definitely the one who holds a grudge for any of the three of us.

Then there is the middle sister, the glue, the rational one, the tie breaker, the mediator, the favourite (Lol!).

Of course the baby, the comedian, the outgoing/ life of the party, career driven, oh and the favourite auntie.

We were not always this close and still are very different but at the end of the day we share secrets, we share a lot of the same values and we share a childhood of memories and experiences and we share friends.

That being said, I know we are not the “normal” when it comes to siblings. We live within a couple of blocks of each other, we talk weekly and often see each other just as much and we for the most part get along and generally like each other.

I often wonder how or why we turned out this way but never come up with an answer. I just hope that my kids find the same relationships with each other that I have come to find in my siblings. We have many friends and even Fraser who have estranged relationships with their siblings. Many often comment on how lucky I am to be so close to my sisters. We all three work hard to have the relationships we do and I wouldn’t say it comes naturally but instead is a choice we make to be close and to raise our families together.

Growing up our aunts and uncles and cousins played a big role in our lives and I am so happy my kids will be blessed with he same experiences I had with family.

That being said aunts/uncles and cousins are not necessarily blood related and in our case our kids have many pseudo aunts and uncles that play just as important of roles as their blood related aunts and uncles. I love this. I remember once running away from home (because everyone did that when they were a teen) and not being a block from home and being spotted by my uncle. That’s the thing about big families, you are always spotted! Not easy to blend into the background. It also means whenever you are in trouble or need help there is always someone around. This is a reason I love that my kids have so many aunts and uncles. Because I know if they need someone between all these people there is bound to be one that they are comfortable to go to.

Today I became an Auntie again and to a beautiful niece, one of my best friends had her first daughter and I just couldn’t stop tearing up and then I thought about it and I thought about daughters and how they change you and the relationship you have with your mother. I am so excited that she gets to experience this kind of relationship different from that of a son. Ill never forget when I had my first daughter and my aunt (a mother of 4, 3 sons and 1 daughter) said she was so happy that I had a daughter and that she loves her sons but there is something about having a daughter. I get it now!

My mother and I are very different but at the end of the day when I need someone she is there and she knows me better than sometimes I know myself. She had always been great at taking us all three out for special dates (movies, dinners, shopping and of course spa). I am constantly asking Fraser what moms do with sons because it is so different and I never see him going out on mother/son dates like I do with my mom. Daughters are different. That being said I put in extra effort to make sure I work hard at having an equally close and good relationship with my son.

Do you have different relationships with your sons than your daughters? Do your kids get along or is a constant struggle (we play referee a lot!)? Would love to hear about your family dynamics and things you do to foster a good relationship between you and your kids but also between siblings.

Real Housewife of A Long Shore Man

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I ran in to my mentor, coach and last employer a couple weeks ago. Both of our lives have changed pretty significantly in the last 3 years and we had lots to catch up on. As we were standing there chatting she gave me a huge compliment. She commented that I looked great (always nice to hear but that wasn’t the compliment) and that I didn’t have that over tired/stressed out mom look most moms with babies and young kids have. She then proceeded to say ” You did that, you have made choices to make sure that you are not too stressed or over tired. It is not luck but your choices.”

It totally stuck with me as I sometimes feel mom guilt or compare myself to others without meaning to and then feel bad that I am not your typical mom! However I feel like people see me or us out as a family and say how “Lucky” we are for many different reasons. I don’t think its luck, I think its hard work, compromise and prioritizing. Most times people mean well by the comment but it doesn’t seem quite right as we work hard to have the lifestyle and life that we have.

These pictures below are such an example. I love them but they were done on a super cold day at 6pm, because I had a conference all day and that was the time we could make work. Fraser had worked a graveyard shift only to come home to watch the kids (I had already left for the day so he took over from my sister). When I got home we frantically tried to dress our kids (hence why Rowen isn’t wearing a jacket, he actually wanted no pants or socks. We compromised). And sweet Grace had just gotten up from a nap. The pictures most definitely don’t tell the whole story, but they captured each of us perfectly IMO and I love them. That being said I wish other people knew when they looked at them these pictures were 15 minutes of a crazy day and don’t depict our full story.

Here’s the thing, we intentionally had three kids under the age of three and we knew it was a bit crazy and going to change lots. However, we both knew we still wanted to be individuals, to have time together and with friends to socialize as adults (we started as just the two of us, and we will end up just the two of us again so we want to keep the love alive, and we actually enjoy each other’s company and like spending time together).

I like working, or I at least like being a part of a team of people working towards something (not necessarily work in the traditional sense). However we both decided with the age of our kids and the hours we would both end up working it didn’t make financial or emotional sense for me to go back to my old job. That being said it wasn’t that I could never go back to work just need to get the kids into school. Just another trade off, I love my life and we both made the choice to stay home but I do not have my own income and people don’t look at a mom and see how hard she works, instead they see a lucky kept lady getting to stay home, sleep in, cuddle a baby and shop without paying for it. Trade offs. I do get to do all those things but I also rarely have breakfast (or at least fresh/hot breakfast), often don’t shower until 3 (and over half the time its with a child), have been puked on more times than I care to count, don’t remember the last time I slept without at least one child in my bed or the last time I peed alone and have you ever tried to shop with three kids under three (best budgeting tool ever)?

Here is us on Market Day, we had a babysitter but figured to make it easier on her and better for Eleanor we would bring her for at least part of the day, this was just what was best for the greater good! I loved planning and preparing for the market, Fraser loved getting to create a bit in his workshop and loved seeing me happy and my kids love being at the farm and “helping” on the days before and after the market. It is not easy, but it is rewarding and fun and was such a great day!

I miss the responsibility and independence and accomplishments that come with having a job outside of the home. Obviously this is always an area that will have pros and cons and I love the decision we made for our family but I definitely think it is a hard decision for every family and again it comes at a cost. I do look at a lot of my working friends in envy and with so much pride for what they are doing. The really cool thing for me is I think as a collective group of friends we are able to get the best of all worlds. I am around if anyone needs any help, etc and my friends are around for me to get to jump in on occasion (like at the farm, getting to work and do the market).

I have managed to find things that I can do part time or on contract and still get the feeling of some independence from the family but not have it negatively impact them. Instead all these things I do make me a better me and a better mom! This idea of self care isn’t new to me, it’s something I have always struggled with (I am an all or nothing type of girl but I am totally working on balance). I decided to start this blog, sell doTerra Oils, help train and teach the girls at The Urban Rack (my last job) and even take on some projects/ events like the Christmas Market at the Farm and my girlfriends long table dinner. These things are not making me rich, to be completely honest most of these things end up costing more than they ever make. But money isn’t the only measurement of success and what these things bring to our family in terms of socialization, feeling of community and happiness and fulfilment out weigh any paycheque they are missing.

Fraser is a longshoremen and he works nightshifts by choice (specifically graveyards). This is one of those choices that we make to provide us with our “lucky” life. The trade off for him working at night is a better paycheque (amazing shift differential), more family time, flexibility in taking time off (when you make more at work you can work less!). With these benefits come costs and the cost to us is nighttime’s alone for mom with 3 very young and not great sleepers, sleep deprivation for both of us (especially for Fraser who doesn’t get many hours a day of sleep), early nights (no more wild nights out TIL 2 am, home before the clock strikes 12… especially when you work at 1am). We feel the benefits out weigh the costs and we try to balance it all, so when we find it taking its toll on us Fraser might take some time off, or we just have some lazy home PJ days.

We were able to do a renovation last year and this year we are able to take a month off to go to Maui, some might consider us “lucky” for having such an extended vacation but I look at it as well deserved time to rest. Fraser has many weeks were he works 7 days a week, and on top of his paying night job he is a full time dad, and a part time handy man for our household as well as for all my wild ideas (like setting up a table at our first Christmas Market). There is also all the things you don’t see, like our less than extravagant vehicles that are far from our dream ride (but we have no car payments!), or the fact that I haven’t bought new bras in I’m embarrassed to admit how long or that Fraser’s gum boots have holes in them! I mean we aren’t poor and hard done by but we also make choices and go without a lot of things.

Its funny though both Fraser and I struggle with taking time for ourselves. It’s hard to leave the other parent with three kiddos and not feel a bit of guilt for it. We are good at getting a babysitter. I never feel guilty paying someone to come and be with the kids but leaving the other parent (who willingly signed up for this parenting gig), and doesn’t get paid, is much harder to do. Just because it is hard to do though, doesn’t mean we both shouldn’t still try. Fraser has a much harder time than I do with just popping out and doing something with the guys or just for himself. This will definitely be something we will continue to work on as we both think its important and something I believe will come easier as the kids get a bit older. It does mean our weekends or even days on a motorcycle are few and far between, or drinks with friends or days spent doing nothing by ours selves are not really a reality right now. But the odd time we do get to do some of these the more we appreciate and enjoy it.

I think the reminder in all of this and the lesson is that we make our own luck. Life is life and making it great is up to us. We really do have the power to make life what we want. We wanted chaotic and crazy and knew what we were getting into. The good so outweighs the hard (because it is never bad, its hard). In my opinion anything worthwhile is hard, so stick it out and the benefits are usually way bigger than you can ever imagine. Check in with yourself often and evaluate.

When we are overwhelmed we look at how we can simplify and what is important. We hire our amazing babysitter and take time out just the two of us. Or we try to see when we need a break and encourage each other, sometimes its me needing a nap after a rough night with the kids or Fraser needing to go out to his shop and do whatever it is he does out there:)

I have a large family who has been there when we need them and are always offering help but we certainly don’t have financial or childcare support that we know a lot of young families have. What we do have is creative help, my sister is always offering to take some of the kids or we trade off preschool pick ups which is huge. My mom is always dropping off meals, coming by to hold Eleanor just so I can get a bit done or even taking our laundry and returning it the next day cleaned and folded. These things are HUGE and I am learning to accept the help that is offered. We also recently hired a house cleaner, and I am learning that is a huge help! It took a bit of work (cleaning the house for the cleaners) and then being out of the house for them was a chore with three kids. However coming home to a clean house is always a good feeling for everyone.

I think another thing I am learning since having kids and more life experience is everyone’s life looks great but we see is just the good stuff not the compromises or things they have given up to get the good! It’s easy to envy or to think grass is greener but instead of doing that make a life you love and you will have no reason to feel that way.

What choices have your family made that were difficult? Do you consider yourself “lucky”? Would love to hear from you…